Jane turning 30 and once again in a love triangle?! Let's go episode 5.
1. Okay, here we go. Another exercise in handling my own nerves and I am READY (I think).
2. Great, the Narrator recap is already raising my blood pressure.
3. Jane turning 30! OMG she and Rafael were still so happy and Rogelio should absolutely plan this party.
4. It brings me such joy when Rogelio calls Mateo Matelio.
5. Still can't believe Rafael kicked Jane out.
6. JORGE IS NAKED AND JANE IS CRYING WHAT JUST HAPPENED.
7. A turtle tank is a really apt simile, Alba.
8. LOL @ Jane finding her first gray hair at 30 years old, I found mine at 17.
9. Rogelio is a party planning visionary.
10. I'd like to re-submit my request that the writers just forget Xiomara's cancer.
11. The show remembered Rogelio's kid! Hi Baby! Haven't seen you in a literal year.
12. Oh I guess Xo's immune system is a good explanation. Fine.
13. Mateo and Rafael are acting like children, except one of them is a man in his mid-thirties.
14. At least Michael sounds a bit more like Michael this week. The prospector voice was getting to me.
15. The fact that Petra keeps calling her temp "Temp" gives me hope that Krishna will return.
16. Did I mention already that Rafael is being too hard on Jane? Because he is being way too hard on Jane.
17. I'd watch a reality show with Darci and Esteban. Can that happen? Plz & thx.
18. Rogelio better not be scheming…
19. "The love, the heartbreak, the conflict" Marlene Donaldson adequately describing my feelings watching this season!
20. Narrator giving a Siri impression is hysterical.
21. HA THEY SHOWED A PICTURE OF THE OTHER MATEO ACTOR. WELL DONE SHOW.
22. If I did this my mother would have 100% let people think I was telling the truth and let some stranger take me to the police to teach me a lesson. And then chancleta me.
23. Rafael don't you dare side with your little brat child on this that boy needs a slap on the butt not a slide.
24. Yep, Rogelio was scheming. SMH.
25. Can I just say, I'm over the men on this show acting likes babies this week. Even you Mateo, even though I know you're a toddler.
26. Michael, it is way too soon for you to be making jokes about remembering things. But I did chuckle.
27. Gina Rodriguez needs come kind of award for being able to pull of romantic chemistry with literally all her scene partners because I fully believe Jane and Michael are in love in this scene.
28. SEE WHAT YOU DID ROGELIO UGH.
29. "Use the fight to shine a light." "When it ends don't be friends." I love that Darci's rules all rhyme, it makes them seem to whimsical.
30. Mateo! You tiny jerk.
31. ^^ I obviously feel terrible about calling a 6 year old a tiny jerk right before he threw up.
32. I really need Rafael to fix his shit right this minute and set his son straight though.
33. #Estebaby really making Rogelio feel bad right now WHICH HE DESERVES.
34. Jane! Don't do a drive-by at your own party.
35. Alba speaking english is always such a treat. The fact that it's to complain about a tiny fake unicorn is an even bigger treat.
36. "We're a find my friends kind of family" funny Xo said this because my friends use Find my Friends to stalk me all the time.
37. Petra joining the family for this chase is amazing and that white jumpsuit is bomb.
38. FIX ESTEBAN AND DARCI'S RELATIONSHIP ROGELIO.
39. Esteban knows the Darci rules! The mark of a soulmate.
40. "Want me to call him and yell at him?" Petra is a real one. And Rafael needs to be yelled at so I fully support this choice.
41. …aand she immediately ditched Jane in a ditch. Never change Queen.
42. Okay so that scene at the Villanueva house had me making heart eyes at Michael but one look at Rafael and I back on the fence, SO THAT'S GREAT.
43. And we didn't even get to see her party?? Boo.
44. Aw this scene with Mateo coming to his senses and hugging his mom has started my tears.
45. #PleaseNeverHurtXoAgain
46. Michael really putting Rafael to shame this week with this *perfect* gift and generally not acting like a twerp. Well played dude.
47. Wait the tiny unicorn is so cute.
48. Yes, Jane! You are a unicorn! You will get through this and so will I!
49. Um WHUT is Rafael doing with those pills??? Is that alcohol??
50. RAFAEL.
51. That looked like a prescription.
52. Is it drugs or medication OH GOD.
53. Just when I think I got through an episode without freaking out they drop this on me. I can't handle it. Bye.
Please just answer these questions before I have a heart attack.
1. IS RAFAEL ON DRUGS?
2. Is...is his cancer back? Is that medication??
3. Do the writers need to fill some sort of Rafael suffering quota every season? Because the man has been through it.
4. When will Jane and Michael kiss?? You know it's coming.
5. Can we get an update on Luisa and She-Devil Rose please?
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