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Dancing With The Stars Season Premiere - The Low Down

Everything you need to know about the new batch of stars, ranked in order of my personal opinion from Best to Worst. And worst was still pretty damn entertaining.

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The Dancing With The Stars Season Premiere was last night, and I have to say it was the best overall batch of dancers I've seen. Let's discuss....

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Opening Number introducing all the contestants in case you forgot

1. Rashad and Emma

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Rashad, former Giants running back and current NFL free agent, was one of the best dances of the night. Football players are notorious on DWTS for being light on their feet and agile, and Rashad is no different. He has all the right moves and did an amazing job.

2. Normani and Val

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Normani, a member of Fifth Harmony, showed that she not only has vocal talent but can also dance! Let's not forget she found her fame on another reality show, when Simon Cowell helped put her group together on X-Factor US edition. Her Quickstep was poised and showed she has what it takes. Look for her to go far in the competition.

3. Heather and Maks

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We all know Heather as Britney S. Pierce from Glee, but she is also a trained dancer (and a back up dancer for BEYONCE herself). Although she hasn't had experience in ballroom dancing, I see her being able to adapt pretty quickly. And hopefully she'll have an opportunity to break out some of these Britney moves.

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I mean......

4. Simone and Sasha

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With her Olympic teammate Lori Hernandez as the DWTS reigning champion, Simone has big (or small?) shoes to fill. Gymnasts do well on DWTS (Shawn Johnson also won the competition). The judges applauded this as the best performance of the night (she was also the last to perform). It wasn't MY favorite performance, but I acknowledge she did a great job and look for her to bring it in the coming weeks.

5. Bonner and Sharna

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Holy sweet Jesus, thank you DWTS for introducing me to Bonner Bolton. Who knew a bull rider could have moves likes that. It's fulfilling all my fantasies of a manly man who also knows how to move his hips and seduce a woman. (Not shown - Julianne Hough, Carrie Ann Inaba and Erin Andrews fawning and fangirling over his performance). He made it to #5 in the rankings because, come on, can you blame me?

6. Erika and Gleb

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Erika Jayne you are a national treasure. Now, I'm a huge fan of the Beverly Hills Housewives, and love Erika's zero fucks/take no prisoner's attitude. She tells it like it is, and always has a funny and quippy remark. Yes, her alter ego is a bit raunchy, and it remains to be seen if the DWTS viewing audience will understand her persona and edgy attitude. Will the see her remarks remarks as bitchy and vain instead of hilarious? All I know, is I love her and loved that she danced to her own song 'XXpen$ive'.

7. Nick and Peta

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Surprisingly, way more hilarious and a way better dancer than I expected. I didn't watch him on The Bachelor, but I was impressed with what he brought to the table. With continued practice, he might actually be a good contender.

8. Nancy and Artem

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Ahhh Nancy Kerrigan... Silver and Bronze Olympic Medalist, but mostly known for being a victim of an attack (which she acknowledges in the video). Her waltz was fluid and her body awareness and choreography from figure skating definitely helps her in dance. I also love that her competitive streak came out to play. She did a great job, but her performance was forgettable and definitely middle of the pack. I give her bonus points for dancing to Billy Joel.

9. David and Lindsay

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I'm a Cubs fan and was lucky enough to see them win Games 1 and 6 of the NLCS on their way to the World Series. Grandpa Rossy (as many fans call him) lived up to every expectation that I had - funny, endearing, and a decent dancer. I hope they keep him around for awhile. And dancing to "GO CUBS GO" was the icing on the cake.

10. Chris and Witney

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THIS PERFORMANCE ACTUALLY MADE ME LAUGH OUT LOUD. No, he's not the best dancer, but was this recreation of Night at the Roxbury not one of the most entertaining moments of the night? And that LIFT!!!

11. Charo and Keo

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Oh Charo, bless your heart. (Who remembers when she was on the Surreal Life?!). Charo is extremely entertaining, hilarious and a pop culture icon. Her salsa was full of energy and fun to watch, but sadly I don't see her lasting that long in the competition.

12. Mr. T and Kym

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AHHHHHH..... Omg, this was amazing. Ok, he can't dance but was this not everything you'd hoped it would be???

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