1. FACT: Edible Arrangements are called a "fresh fruit bouquet," but this is not a bouquet.
2. THIS. IS. A. BOUQUET.
3. And to make up for the fact that fruits are not flowers, they shape the fruit to look like flowers.
4. And then they cover the fruit in this weird waxiness that makes it taste bad.
5. It's basically the most awkward way to display fruit ever.
6. And the fruit "flowers" are placed in a bed of kale. (Why???)
7. Sometimes Edible Arrangements ventures into the world of chocolate dipped fruit, which is also inexplicably placed atop a lettuce pile.
8. But fruit isn't always meant to be dipped in chocolate, and it ends up looking sweaty, like this*.
9. Babies are totally bored by them.
10. You might LIKE honeydew and cantaloupe, but do you really want to eat an entire basket of it?
11. Once you get an Edible Arrangement, it has to sit awkwardly on your desk or a counter.
12. Which is really great for the fruit flies who love exposed fruit, but not so much for anyone else.
13. Instead of a cake, people think it's OK to give someone a "fruit cake bouquet."
14. "Happy Sweet 16, I hope you enjoy these fruit kebabs!"
15. "Happy Halloween! Hope you enjoy this FRUIT. Just kidding, fruit should never exist on Halloween!"
16. Also, this is just false advertising, because here's what that "ghost pineapple" looks like IRL.
17. This is not OK.
18. Not OK.
19. Nope, not OK.
20. THIS IS DEFINITELY NOT OK.
21. If you'd like to give someone fruit, then this is what you should give them.
22. And if it's their birthday, hell, give them some fruit and liquor to dip it in.
23. Did I mention they're outrageously pricey? This "small" bouquet is $70.
24. In conclusion: Let's stop this Edible Arrangement insanity before it's TOO LATE.
