Learning his teammates’ names? That needs work.
LeSean McCoy has been calling Matt Barkley “Mark.” Thought that was his name, until reporters corrected him. “He never said anything.”
“Who, Mick Foley? Great QB. He and Matt should have a fun time competing for the starting job.”
“Best hands on the team? Jack Marlin, for sure. GREAT hands.”
“Man, no one is better at left tackle than Justin Biebers. NO ONE.”
“Really, really excited to have Ice Cream Topanga on our defensive line. Big get for us.”
“Really, though, we need stability at the QB position. Of course, that leads us back to one man and one man in particular. Y’all know exactly who I’m talking about, so it seems superfluous to say his name aloud, but that would be ol’ Bort McSlinkyLegs.”
- Iraqi forces have launched an offensive to take back ISIS-held Fallujah. About 50,000 civilians are trapped in the city.
- Yep. Marco Rubio said he's sorry for implying Donald Trump has a small penis.
- Chad's ex-ruler Hissene Habre has been convicted of crimes against humanity in a groundbreaking trial in Senegal.