Learning his teammates’ names? That needs work.
LeSean McCoy has been calling Matt Barkley “Mark.” Thought that was his name, until reporters corrected him. “He never said anything.”
“Who, Mick Foley? Great QB. He and Matt should have a fun time competing for the starting job.”
“Best hands on the team? Jack Marlin, for sure. GREAT hands.”
“Man, no one is better at left tackle than Justin Biebers. NO ONE.”
“Really, really excited to have Ice Cream Topanga on our defensive line. Big get for us.”
“Really, though, we need stability at the QB position. Of course, that leads us back to one man and one man in particular. Y’all know exactly who I’m talking about, so it seems superfluous to say his name aloud, but that would be ol’ Bort McSlinkyLegs.”
- Iraq's prime minister has ordered the arrest of anti-government protesters who breached Baghdad's fortified "Green Zone" and occupied the parliament building.
- Daniel J. Berrigan, an American priest and poet famous for leading anti-Vietnam War protests, has died at the age 94.
- U.S. President Barack Obama zinged the media and presidential contenders before dropping the mic at his final White House Correspondents' Dinner 🇺🇸