How To Support Your Wife As A Stepmom
In addition to building a relationship with your husband, you are still expected to build one with their kids. All the while, you are also required to keep up with your own life as an individual. So yeah, it’s tough being a stepmom.
Most times the stepmom will feel alone and misunderstood. They have a lot to deal with such as your ex-wife, who most likely is not making her life any easy. As her husband, it’s your responsibility to stand by her. Not sure how to go about it? Well, worry not because we have so much for you to learn from our stepmom advice. Your wife is there for you and your kids; so you ought to be there for her too.
How do I support my wife who’s a stepmom?
Teamwork and proper communication are guaranteed to make thing so much easier for her. Below is a list of 10 ways in which you can support your wife as she takes the challenging journey of being a stepmom:
1. Listen patiently
Your wife needs you to listen patiently to everything that she has to say. It’s expected that sometimes she will have moments of deep frustrations and impatience. Be patient with her when she’s down and don’t let these moments change your love for her.
More often than not, she will feel like she always has to settle for less than she hoped for. It’s obvious that she may feel uncomfortable when you two are out on a date and you start exchanging text messages with your ex-wife.
2. Love her unconditionally
When you put that ring on her finger, you vowed to do everything in your power to preserve and protect the marriage. Do not let parenthood wound and kill your marriage. Treat your wife as the full-time partner she is by showing her unconditional love.
Don’t expect her love for your kids to flow naturally in her veins. This means that you shouldn’t expect her to be a loving stepmom at all times.
3. Give her time to work on her relationship with the kids
Allow your wife and your kids some time to work on their relationship by themselves.
You might feel obliged to fix every little misunderstanding but it’s recommended that you only intervene when you have to. Your genuine suggestions may very easily be interpreted as criticism and this may cause your wife to feel incompetent.
Understand that no matter what, you cannot quickly fix their relationship. Frequent suggestions are often a sign of frustration and impatient and may come off as pushy to both her and the kids.
4. Appreciate her efforts
Your wife really needs you to notice and appreciate her efforts. Her new life is like a rollercoaster invaded by forces that she clearly never asked for. She obviously feels pulled and stretched. Being there for her would mean so much because she most likely doesn’t receive any hugs and kisses from the kids.
Always remind your kids to thank her when she goes out of her way to do things for/with them.
Every once in a while, get her a gift or take her out on dates where you can enjoy some alone time.
5. Be her cheerleader, not her critic
Most stepmoms work really hard to keep their new family together because they actually want things to work out.
Be her cheerleader and always remind her how amazing she is; show her that she's not a failure. Show her that you understand that she pays a price for being with you and devoting herself to the kids. A spontaneous treat would be a great return on that investment.
If at all you want to correct her, do not bring it up when you are on a romantic dinner. When she expresses her frustrations, try to understand her and don’t get all defensive.
6. Back her up
When your wife corrects the kids and they don’t listen or says no to their request, reinforce it by telling them to do as she says. If you happen to disagree with her, correct her gently and in private.
It’s normal for the kids to act defiantly toward her in the beginning. However, if this persists, make sure that they know that she is just as much a part of the family. Let them know that you two are a united front and you make all your decisions together.
7. Listen to her without taking it personally
Your wife needs you to listen to her when she is upset and not take things personally. When she tells you about stuff that’s bothering her, always keep it in mind that she’s not attacking you. There’s no need to get defensive because maybe you feel that she's asking for something that you can’t provide.
The secret here is to always keep your skin thick and your heart soft.
8. Give her a place to call her own
Your wife may feel like the kids are taking over the house. If she does not have any parenting experience, it’s quite expected that she may not be used to the chaos.
When your kids turn every room in the house into a playground, she’ll probably be overwhelmed by all the movement and the noise. Help her overcome this feeling by carving out an area that will be her solace. This area should be off limits to the kids.
Giving her the muchneeded space will leave her rejuvenated, with more energy to offer you and the kids.
9. Respect her point of view
The way we see things is different from one individual to another. Always listen to what your wife has to say about different situations. She most likely has valuable wisdom which will help you navigate decisions as a team.
When you seek her advice she will always feel validated and will not hesitate to offer a fresh perspective to help you solve conflicts with your ex-wife.
10. Every once in a while, get time away from the kids
Take time away from the kids and focus on each other. The occasional date nights or a random trip will do your marriage some good and help you beat the odds. While you’re away, do not let the valuable time be interrupted; only respond to emergencies.
Prioritizing your wife will leave her feeling valued, cared for, and respected. This will motivate her to be the best stepmom.
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