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    5 Types Of Bidets That'll Have Your Butt Feeling Squeaky-Clean

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    Somehow, two decades into the new millennium, there’s still something about the topic of bidets that often turns American adults into giggly teens — or provokes the sort of defiant reaction that a conversation about toilet paper never would.

    Hannah Wong / BuzzFeed

    Why is it that most of the world has long been in support of the trusty, hygienic bidet, yet so many of us in the US still need some convincing?

    I don’t know, but I’m here to tell you: There’s nothing weird about having a clean butthole. In fact, I’d argue, it’s weirder to be weirded out about having a clean butthole! Plus, using one means using less toilet paper (and sewer-wrecking "flushable" wipes), and if you haven’t heard, our planet is in a pretty dire state and would appreciate the gesture.

    Bidets can help relieve persistent itchiness as well as pressure on conditions like hemorrhoids. And let me tell you — after you’ve started using one, you’ll never look back…except maybe to catch a glimpse of that sparkling behind, that is. 😉

    Oh yeah — and for the uninitiated, a bidet, plain and simple, is a device that cleans your booty. Lucky for us, we now live in a beautiful, limitless world where bidets can take a buttload (heh heh) of forms beyond just the standalone type you might find yourself using in a classy French hotel. Let’s have a look at the options, shall we?

    The Standard

    Amazon / Hannah Wong / BuzzFeed

    Thousands of people who poop can’t be wrong. The Luxe Bidet Neo 120 (*in Stefon voice*) has everything: a knob for water-pressure control, a self-cleaning nozzle, more than 6,600 five-star reviews, and a price that’s right. And when we pitted this one against the pricier, more stylish Tushy (more on that one below), it held its own. It’s a functional, affordable bidet that’s easy to install. And if you’re interested in a model with two nozzles — one for the back entrance and one for the front — you can check out the Luxe Bidet Neo 180.

    Get the Luxe Bidet Neo 120 from Amazon for $34.95+ and the Luxe Bidet Neo 180 from Amazon for $33.50+ (both available in two colors).

    The Hipster

    Tushy / Hannah Wong / BuzzFeed

    If there’s a bidet that’s the equivalent of millennial pink, it’s the Tushy. (It’s also, in fact, available in millennial pink.) With cheeky, self-aware branding, Tushy is determined to make bidets both chic and unintimidating. And we can say with confidence that they’re succeeding (if not least because they hosted the first-ever Butt-Con in New York City in 2019). The Tushy Classic is sleek, featuring six attractive color combinations that’ll complement your bamboo bath mat and bathroom monstera leaf delightfully; its upgraded version, the Tushy Spa, features temperature control, so long as your toilet is next to your sink.

    Get the Tushy Classic from Tushy for $79+ and the Tushy Spa from Tushy for $109+ (both available in nine colors).

    The Fancy

    Amazon / Hannah Wong / BuzzFeed

    Are you on a mission to prove either a) just how much you value self-care of the highest tier and/or b) that you are a very fancy person? Then the Bidetmega 200 from Coway ticks both of those boxes with a multi-setting heated seat, custom water temp and pressure settings, warm air dryer and an eco mode to reduce energy consumption. Then there's the Toto Washlet Electronic Bidet features a nifty “premist” feature, which mists the toilet bowl before each use to cut down on bacteria (the bad kind). Whatever you decide, make sure you’ve got an available power outlet nearby.

    Get the Coway Bidetmega 200 Electronic Bidet Seat from Amazon for $263.25+ (available for elongated and round toilets) and the Toto Washlet Electronic Bidet from Amazon for $313.49.

    The Hose

    Amazon / Hannah Wong / BuzzFeed

    Maybe you prioritize practicality, and we can get behind that (tee-hee — sorry, it’s too easy). The SmarterFresh Faucet Sprayer Bidet attaches to your sink, providing either hot or cold water, and can be mounted to your toilet or the wall. This option may be an especially good choice for those with a disability or mobility issues, elderly people, or those in need of assisted care. Or perhaps anyone who has some plumbing issues and would rather use a device that hooks up to their sink. Bonus: It also doubles as a convenient way to bathe your dog and water your plants.

    Get it from Amazon for $41.99.

    The Portable

    Amazon / Hannah Wong / BuzzFeed

    If there’s a chance you might be hitting the porcelain throne anywhere other than in the comfort of your own home and you don’t want to sacrifice back-door hygiene, have no fear: The portable bidet is here! Depending on your budget, you’ve got the no-frills Brondell option, the collapsible Tushy Travel, and the incredibly sleek and discreet Sonny (a Kickstarter project, available in April 2020). If porta-potty plans are in your future, do yourself a favor and have one on hand.

    Get the Brondell GoSpa Travel Bidet from Amazon for $9.99 at Amazon, the Tushy Travel from Tushy for $29, and the Sonny for $99.

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