9 Things That Go Can Wrong At Every Dinner Party (And How To Prevent Them)

Nine common concerns you shouldn’t stress out about.

Why does throwing a dinner party seem so daunting? We like dinner. Most of us like parties. But the two words together can make even the most outgoing, party-lovin’ folk jump straight into sweats-and-streaming mode.

Ryan Pattie / BuzzFeed

Writer and home cook extraordinaire Alison Roman may have the answer. In the intro of her new cookbook Nothing Fancy, the New York Times food columnist argues that we’ve been looking at dinner parties all wrong. “I have always been allergic to the word ‘entertaining,’ which to me implies there’s a show, something performative at best and inauthentic at worst,” Roman writes. “But having people over? Well, that’s just making dinner, but with more people.”

Recap: Keep the get-together casual and don’t overthink it.

But while dinner parties don’t have to be fancy, there are plenty of things about them that cause anxiety: the prep work, the awkward conversations between guests, and that one friend who can’t quite hold their liquor falling into the punch bowl. The good news is that you can prepare for the major ones, and even ignore a few, too. We spoke with Roman and with Lauren Sloss, a San Francisco-based food and travel writer and consummate host, about all of the ways to ensure your next gathering runs smoothly.

The Worry: How to Actually Invite People Over

Ryan Pattie / BuzzFeed

So if you don’t know the exact number of people coming, how do you know if you have enough chairs, cutlery, food, or drinks? Plan for the full headcount, take a deep breath, and be adaptable. Not enough utensils or plates? Roman recommends finding good compostable ones (see: here and here) and to “revise the menu to include more snacks.” And if you somehow end up with more people than expected, Roman suggests just having a different kind of party with bites that can be eaten by hand as guests stand or perch to chat. No need to be tied to a sit-down affair; if you stay calm and carry on, your guests will hardly notice.

The Worry: Having Enough of…Well, Everything

MGM Worldwide Television Distribution / Via giphy.com

So if you don’t know the exact number of people coming, how do you know if you have enough chairs, cutlery, food, or drinks? Plan for the full headcount, take a deep breath, and be adaptable. Not enough utensils or plates? Roman recommends finding good compostable ones (see: here and here) and to “revise the menu to include more snacks.” And if you somehow end up with more people than expected, Roman suggests just having a different kind of party with bites that can be eaten by hand as guests stand or perch to chat. No need to be tied to a sit-down affair; if you stay calm and carry on, your guests will hardly notice.

The Worry: Figuring Out What the Heck to Serve for Dinner

Roman’s new book focuses on “unfussy” foods for having people over. She recommends making a variety of dishes, so that even if you mess one up, there will be plenty of food left for everyone. “I like to build everything based on how I like to eat — a few snacks, salads, some sides, one main dish like roast chicken or a short rib,” she says.

With that, a few general rules of thumb: Figuring out a budget can help you decide on how simple or elaborate the menu will be. For the sake of time, choose just one complicated dish (most likely your main). And think about prep time: The shorter, the better.

If the kitchen isn’t your favorite room, however, don’t feel pressured to create a full-blown spread. “If you’re not that comfortable cooking but still want to have people over, do one roast chicken with garlic bread and call it a day,” Roman says. Our advice: You can always buy a store-bought rotisserie chicken! And don’t forget the bread and cheese. We promise your guests will not care.

The Worry: Setting the Right Vibe

Ryan Pattie / BuzzFeed

The evening does not have to be Pinterest-perfect. But there are a couple of things you can do to set the right tone, like preparing a few playlists and making sure the lighting is on point (smart light bulbs truly do wonders). A lit candle in the bathroom? Also a nice touch. And another thing: As you’re probably aware, people love to congregate in the kitchen, so keeping the drinks in another area can help spread things out.

The Worry: Staying on Schedule As Guests Arrive

Paramount Pictures / Via giphy.com

When you’re on food-prep duty, it’s fairly difficult to handle anything else. That’s why Sloss likes to give her guests a general timeline that includes when she’ll be cooking so that they can come help if they’d like. “Guests get to feel like they’re part of the process but it’s also helpful if you just want to drink wine — and pour me wine — while we chat.” And if there are (literally) too many cooks in the kitchen, you can always assign incoming guests other duties, like answering the door, topping off snacks and drinks, or keeping tabs on the tunes. The moral of the story here is people love to help, and by all means let them.

The Worry: Balancing Cooking, Bartending, and Hosting All in One Night

All of these general tips — keep it simple, don’t overthink it, and prep as much as you can — are intended to help you actually enjoy the night with your guests and not just be running around the whole time.

People will inevitably ask, “What can I bring?” A great answer is always wine — or whatever they want to drink. Worst-case scenario? You’ve got leftover booze. Speaking of which, you’ll want to put the cocktail shaker down, because you shouldn’t be stuck behind the bar. A large-batch cocktail prepared ahead of time is a safe bet. And don’t forget at least one non-alcoholic option!

The Worry: Keeping the Conversation Flowing Between Guests

Ryan Pattie / BuzzFeed

If you’re at all worried about your guests getting along or even who to sit next to each other, don’t. Trust the fact that you have interesting friends who are grown-ups and can make conversation themselves. “I’ve never been anxious about combining friend groups,” Sloss says. “Maybe they don’t want to become best friends with each other, but they can find something to talk about. I’m not going to babysit anyone and I’m not trying to micromanage social interactions — at all. It’s never once occurred to me to figure out where everyone sits.”

The Worry: When Exactly to Call It a Night

20th Century Fox / Via giphy.com

Sometimes at the end of a particularly good evening, there’s a guest or two who’s still hanging out. And while Roman says she’s “not a fan of kicking people out,” she does have a few tricks for clearing the room. “When you’re having people over, you have to resign yourself that some people are going to stay,” she says. “But if I really want to go to bed, I’m a big fan of thanking everybody and having them get the hint. Another good trick is, instead of serving alcohol, I’ll get some weed out and get people a little stoned. Then they get sleepy and want to go home.” We’ll take it!

The Worry: Ugh, Cleanup...

When it comes to getting your home back in order, there’s no shame in doing a little tidying while your guests are still mingling. Also, feel free to ask for help! Guests can load their own dishes into the dishwasher or take out the trash for you on the way out.

Remember: A dinner party isn’t a big formal thing. It’s just spending quality time, eating tasty food, and drinking good booze with people you like and/or love.