The Canadian Space Agency is looking for two new astronauts.
(Yes, international readers, Canada has a space program.)
On one hand, the job requirements are pretty much what you'd expect: Candidates have to have a degree in science, math, or engineering, must be super fit, and have perfect vision, among lots of other things.
On the other hand, the frequently asked questions that the recruitment campaign links to are pretty interesting, to say the least.
"Can you cry in space?"
The space agency says yes, you can — but the tears don't fall, "they stick to your eyes as liquid balls." That's right, LIQUID BALLS OF SADNESS all over your eyes.
"Astronauts need to use handkerchiefs to wipe their tears."
"Isn't it lonely on the International Space Station (ISS)?"
Well, as former Canadian astronaut and acoustic guitar maniac Chris Hadfield explains in response, the majority of human existence is loneliness and suffering. "Loneliness is no more of a problem than it is everywhere else," he writes.
"Aren't astronauts scared to be in space?"
Once again, Hadfield gets deep AF: "Fear comes from being unprepared when facing the unknown," he says. "As astronauts, we avoid this by working for years to understand the unknown, and decide in advance what we will do. [...] So it's not that we're extra-brave — we're just extra-prepared."
Do female astronauts get their period in space?
You thought getting a tampon in on Earth was tricky! But yes, the space agency says periods happen normally — though many female astronauts take birth control to stop menstruation because the health effects of Space Shark Week have not been studied all that much.
How do you go to the bathroom in space?
You poop in a bag and drink your own urine. Like actually, the space agency says so...sort of.
"What does space smell like?"
The space agency says it smells like nothing, really, but surely those poops sacks start to get pretty rank after a while.
"Does time spent taking pictures affect the scientific work?"
Translation: Can I take some space selfies?
"How can astronauts use Twitter or social media from space?"
Translation: Can I post said selfies and get a shit-ton of likes?
You can read all the FAQs here.
Emma Loop is a political reporter for BuzzFeed News and is based in Washington, DC. PGP fingerprint: 4A39 DD99 953C 6CAF D68C 85CD C380 AB23 859B 0611.
Contact Emma Loop at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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