Whitney Port Revealed She Felt "Relieved" And "Ashamed" After Having A Miscarriage Two Weeks Ago

    "I thought, 'Gosh, am I just the most selfish person for naturally feeling this way?'"

    Whitney Port has been completely open and honest about her experiences of motherhood from the moment she became pregnant.

    In fact, during her pregnancy she and her husband Tim Rosenman started a YouTube series called "I Love My Baby But...I Hate My Pregnancy", which charted the trials and tribulations Whitney faced in her journey to becoming a mom.

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    During the series, Whitney discussed everything from her debilitating morning sickness to struggling with her changing body.

    And after she gave birth to their boy, Sonny, in 2017, Whitney and Tim continued the series which went on to explore their experiences of parenthood.

    Well, Whitney has now decided to be as open and honest about another difficult subject. This time she's opened up about having a miscarriage two weeks ago, and the range of emotions she's experienced since.

    Speaking on her podcast With Whit, which was hosted specially by her husband Tim, Whitney began by revealing that she'd recently made the decision to come off birth control and leave the decision over whether to have another child down to fate.

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    The subject of having more children was something she and Tim have been deliberating ever since Sonny was first born. But Whitney said she'd recently decided: "If this happens on its own then amazing — this is meant to be. And if it doesn't, then we'll have the conversation over whether to have a second kid."

    Shortly afterwards Whitney discovered that she was pregnant. However, she revealed that her overwhelming emotions initially were "fear" followed by "shame and guilt".

    "I was really excited about the thought of Sonny having a sibling," she continued, "But the majority of me was really, really scared and I felt really selfish. I thought, 'Gosh, am I just the most selfish person for naturally feeling this way?'"

    Whitney went on to explain that she began to suspect something was wrong when all of her pregnancy symptoms disappeared after six weeks. Then, during a family vacation, she started bleeding.

    After waiting another day and experiencing more bleeding, Whitney had a second ultrasound after which the doctor confirmed that the pregnancy wasn't viable. And, speaking through tears, Whitney said she felt like a "monster" for feeling "relief" at the news.

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    She said: "I feel so bad saying this — like, I honestly feel like a complete monster, but when I found out that the pregnancy was possibly not viable I thought to myself, 'Maybe this is sort of a relief.' I felt professionally like I was in one of the busiest times of my life, and I did feel that the timing was really terrible to be pregnant. So there was part of me when we were in limbo that was like, 'If this isn't going to happen then I think I'm OK with it.'"

    Whitney went on to say that she was unprepared for the fact that she'd have to make a choice about how she wanted the miscarriage to progress.

    She said: "I didn't even know that I had to make a choice to do something about it — I thought my body did it on its own."

    And Whitney concluded by saying that she now feels "sadness" over the miscarriage, but hopes to help others by speaking about her experiences.

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    She said: "I can't say I feel relieved now. I feel sad. The whole thing is traumatic — it's traumatic to think about your body going through this and something being in you that could have been something — like a Sonny. I feel sad, but I do also feel happy that my body is still my own right now and this isn't an extra thing we have to plan for. We have consciously decided to have these types of conversations [publicly] because it has become so important for people to be able to feel their feelings and not feel guilty. I feel I have a responsibility so you guys don't feel alone, and how I felt in my head when it was happening."

    She also shared a clip from the podcast on Instagram alongside a caption expanding on her emotions.

    You can watch the full podcast here.

    View this video on YouTube

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    Ellie Woodward is Celebrity and Entertainment Editor for BuzzFeed UK and is based in London.

    Contact Ellie Woodward at ellie.woodward@buzzfeed.com.

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