If, like me, you've experienced all the highs and lows of dating, then it's safe to say that we're all responsible for repeating certain mistakes and patterns...
So, when u/Mackenzie_43 asked women "what’s one mistake you’ve made while dating which you’ll never do again?" I rounded up some of the best responses, and I think it's time we took this advice on board:
1. "Allowing myself to be emotionally invested in someone who makes me feel confused or anxious."
2. "Not believing someone when they told me they were too broken, not good enough for me, not ready for a relationship or not a good person/partner."
"Sorry if you feel that way about yourself, but it's not my job to fix you or convince you otherwise, and if that is your approach to how you present yourself I will simply believe it and walk away now."
"I think it was Maya Angelou, but she said 'if someone tells you who they are, believe them'. Sadly, even when they tell you, we aren't listening."
3. "Being way too emotionally invested way too soon. Long into the journey of self-love now."
"It takes a lot of grounding myself every time I meet someone new, I constantly remind myself that I don't fully know this person yet and to just enjoy the process of actually dating them and getting to know them.
I've also tried to distract myself with other things (like instead of waiting for someone I just met to text me back I can better spend my time doing a hobby or really anything that takes me away from my phone)."
4. "Focusing on making them like me instead of seeing if I like them."
5. "Not clinging on to empty promises. If they want to be with me, they’ll have time and make the effort. Actions speak louder than words."
6. "Not breaking up with the guy when I knew I wanted to, or letting him convince me to stay when I knew I wasn't happy."
7. "Going too hard on makeup/hair/outfit on a first date. Some people stand you up for starters, but a lot of first dates aren't even good enough to justify a second."
8. "Telling a man what I want in a partner. No, show me who you are and I’ll decide if it’s what I want."
"Yes. When you tell them they pretend."
9. "A relationship should feel natural and easy fairly early on. If you feel like you are walking on eggshells, self-censoring, people-pleasing, compromising your values, etc., run."
"To my younger self I would also say, focus on self improvement, hobbies, and the right person will find you."
10. "Being too understanding: It's good to be an understanding and loving partner but too much of it is not good. Have a bottom line, don't get hurt yourself trying to make them feel better."
11. "Go on a second date just in case chemistry develops. Second dates have never changed my mind. If there is no chemistry at first meet, there never will be."
12. "Assuming they’re probably not dating or talking to other people because they seem super into me."
"Until they have told you explicitly that it’s an exclusive committed relationship, always assume they are talking to or seeing other people. I have also recently learned this lesson."
13. "Ignored red flags because I had low self worth and just wanted to be loved."
14. "Somebody that tries to make up for their bad behaviour with gifts. It's not my love language and doesn't do anything for me, do better instead."
15. "Consistently letting a person disrespect my boundaries. Tell me they’ll do something and habitually not do it. Being a people pleaser. It got so bad to the point where I was this person's coping skill."
16. "Being with someone and disregarding who they currently are because of their potential. Red flags were waving but I was looking well past them."
17. "If your gut is telling you that he does not actually love you then LEAVE HIM IMMEDIATELY!!! Don’t stick around for him to just drop you once he’s done."
18. "Mistaking a trauma bond for the development of an intimate connection with the other person."
19. "Don’t invite people into your space too soon. This could be your mental, emotional, or physical space."
20. "No longer in the dating scene, but a good piece of advice is to never tell someone how bad your ex treated you because they will then have a threshold/bar for how low they can go."
21. "Waiting around after I get the 'I’ll let you know' answer to if he’s free or not, and being too accommodating for the sake of my time and money."
H/T to u/Mackenzie_43 and AskWomen for having this discussion!
Note: All submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
Do you have anything else to add? Let us know in the comments below.
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