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16 Pets Who Are Secretly Gods Among Men

Behold the gods of new. (Aka the cutest of our Cute or Not app submissions!)

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1. Anais, Watcher of the Universe

Anais / Cute or Not

Sitting on her throne known as The Couch, she is an omniscient creature keeping a close watch on both her food bowl and the rest of the galaxy as we know it.

2. Blue Ivy, Shepherd of the Stars

Blue Ivy / Cute or Not

Blue Ivy is an Australian Shepherd family dog by day, and herder of the Heavens at night. She wrangles the stars and sets them on their course; when the stars align in your life and magical things happen, it is likely that you have Blue Ivy to thank.

3. Maisy, See-er of Souls

Maisy / Cute or Not

One look into your eyes and Maisy can tell you all your fears, hopes, and desires. One squeal into your ear and she can tell you what your future holds. One guinea pig treat not given and she can bring it all to an end.

4. Apricot, Keeper of the Short Grasses

Apricot / Cute or Not

Apricot, born in a pet store and raised in the Midwest, is the hero sent to save our lawns. From their nutrition he draws his godly powers, and amid their blades he has begun training the Army of the Short Grasses.


5. Jarvis, Oracle of the Llama King

Jarvis / Cute or Not

Sent down from the Heavens by the Llama King, Jarvis presides as messenger to all llamas living in our Earthen realm. His wisdom is vast, his temper is short, and his love for various shrubberies is immense.

6. Damon, Soiler of Carpets

Damon / Cute or Not

Damon is a trickster god and uses his facade of cuteness to manipulate his way onto new and untainted carpets and furnishings. He leaves behind a soil so unforgiving it often starts turmoil and breaks apart even the strongest of allies.

7. Lola, The Mighty Pouncer

Lola / Cute or Not

Small though she may be, Lola can pounce farther and higher than any other godly feline. She jumps across rivers, oceans, and even the space between Earth and her moon. Accomplice to trickster god Damon, she pounces into social situations and can be blamed for sudden awkward silences and lulls in a once lively conversation.

8. Tumi, The Three-Legged God

Tumi / Cute or Not

Legend says Tumi lost his leg in a great battle of the Heavens. He roams the vast plains of Suburbia, waiting for someone to challenge his strengths only to demolish them with one swipe of the paw.


9. Beans, Queen of the Flower Kingdom

Beans / Queen of The Flower Kingdom

Beans may be one of the most fearsome goddesses. Clothed in pink and sky blue, she reigns mightily over the flowers of this earth, bringing imminent ruin upon those humans who do not obey her biggest command: "Curb Your Dog."

10. Nibbles, The Whisper in the Walls

Nibbles / Cute or Not

With an ear always to the ground and the power to walk across the Bridges of Time, Nibbles knows all of the galaxy's secrets. When he is not travelling through the fabrics of time, he rests in his lair of plastic tubing.

11. Duke, The Angel Steed of Weather Appropriate Clothing

Duke / Cute or Not

Duke, with his muscular godly physique and concern for those that proclaim "I don't need a jacket", gallops across the lands protecting us from the elements. His signature winter coat holds the power to sway minds and convince even the "manliest" of men that they do, indeed, need to dress warmly when the temperature is low.

12. Edith & Ulysses, The Star-Crossed Lovers

Edith & Ulysses / Cute or Not

Forced apart by their Kingdoms, Edith and Ulysses deserted the Heavens and sought refuge on Earth in order to be together. They still flee from the mighty cats and dogs of the sky, and never stay long in any one place. It is rumored that their only child was kept safely hidden for many years, entering into the public light as star of Nickelodeon's cartoon CatDog. It is unclear to this day why the show was cancelled or why CatDog has gone missing.


13. Pluto, God of Fluff

Pluto / Cute or Not

It is a daunting and brave task, being God of Fluff. Pluto embraces his title fearlessly, as he floats through the dimensions of time and space. All he need do is touch his white-tipped nose to his target, and said target will become truly fluffy. Silki chickens were merely regular chickens before Pluto brought them into his ranks.

14. Clutch, Guardian of the Gardens

Clutch / Cute or Not

Clutch protects the gardens across his realm, as his dog kingdom is always in need of a place to bury bones, chew on pinecones, and chase squirrels. It is said that the droppings of Clutch contain powers of growth, and are the most magical of fertilizers.

15. Sox, The Eyes of Days Past

Sox / Cute or Not

Sox, He Who Stares Without Seeing, sits in silence for hours on end as he surveys the landscapes of the past. With the power to know exactly what happened in history and bring it to life in vivid color right before his own eyes, he mostly replays all the times he almost caught that bird at the window, but didn't.

16. Frank, Master of the Universe

Frank / Cute or Not

Frank is the Be-All and End-All. He is the one to whom all must bow down. Whole worlds orbit in his name. No words are enough to express the magnitude of his power. He is Master. HE IS FRANK.

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