10 Steps To Disappointing Your Parents So They NEVER Expect Anything Of You Ever Again!

Are your parents annoying? Do they always ask you to do such tedious things like do the dishes or take out the trash? Worry no more! Sun Tzu has got 10 nifty tricks to keep you from having to do anything for your parents for the rest of your life!

1. Kill their expectations as soon as possible.

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"When doing battle, seek a quick victory. A long battle will blunt weapons and diminish ferocity" [02.03].

The faster you disappoint your parents, the sooner they'll realize they can't depend on you for anything! Make sure you expend the most energy making them believe they've raised a failure early, so as the years go by the depend on you less and less.

2. Never give in to parents' requests or begging.

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"If troops lay siege to a walled city, their strength will be exhausted" [02.04].

Fortify yourself against any and all pressure from your parents to do anything. The more they ask, the harder you need to ignore them. Don't give in to any idle threats, whether it be a grounding or a revocation of your iPad. When they finally give up on trying to break you down, you can coast on with the knowledge that they won't attempt it again.

3. Keep your parents on their toes.

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"The rush of torrential waters tossing boulders illustrates force. The strike of a bird of prey breaking the body of its target illustrates timing" [05.08].

Severity of mess-up and the timing of said mess-up are of paramount importance. You'll want to make sure you fail at something very important to your parents, that way they don't trust you with something that means a lot to them again. If the timing is off, it must be made up for in scale of mess-up. If the mess-up is not as damning, you must make sure it happens at a time most inconvenient for those expecting something of you.

4. Always be prepared to explode into a tantrum at a moments' notice.

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"Generally, the one who first occupies the battlefield awaiting the enemy at ease; the one who comes later and rushes into battle is fatigued" [06.01].

Your parents could ask you to do something at any time. You should always be prepared with at least 5 different things to whine about. Tell them how terrible your day at school was or how tired you are. If you make enough of a scene, they'll abandon their request for help and do it themselves.

5. Complain incessantly.

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"Provoke him, to know his patterns of movement" [06.25].

The more you whine and cry, the easier it is to predict your parents' responses. No matter how minor the inconvenience they approach you with, make sure to rant. Pepper some "I hate you's" and "You're ruining my life's" in for good measure. Eventually, you'll what your parents are going to say before they do, and you can exploit this in situations of serious consequence.

6. Be well-rounded in areas of failure.

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"Water's formation adapts to the ground when flowing. So then an army's formation adapts to the enemy to achieve victory" [06.34].

To truly make your parents give up on you, you need to exude a myriad of failures. Refusal to do chores isn't enough; you need to underachieve at everything they set your mind to. Make sure not to do too badly, though. Failing school and getting cut from every extracurricular may seem like the easiest option, but stifling mediocrity is the best way to get your parents to leave you alone. Set a very low standard, and just barely reach it. Be flexible.

7. Hold nothing back.

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"He who is cowardly can be captured" [08.12].

When you fail, make sure you truly fail. This may seem contradictory to setting the previously mentioned standard of mediocrity, but that's the idea: you want to give off the air that everything you attempt ends in nothing but embarrassment for you and your family. While adhering to your mediocre standards, make it seem as if this standard doesn't exist, and you are seriously just the worst at everything you do.

8. Get someone else in on it.

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"There is nowhere that spies cannot be used" [13.12].

Bring someone else in on the action, preferably a sibling. They can sneak around and hear what your parents have to say about you behind your back and relay that information to you. This way, you know exactly where to focus your energy and failures. You might even do the same for them.

9. Limit the time your parents confront you together.

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"Have the enemy be separated and unable to assemble; if the enemy is assembled, it should not be organized" [11.15].

The more time your parents spend together deciding what to do with you, the harder it is for you to combat their efforts. Make sure to disappoint each parent as much individually as you do with them together. This way, they have so much they have to deal with one-on-one with you, that it's harder for them to combine their assault on your apathy and mediocrity.

10. Lie. A lot.

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"Warfare is the Way of deception" [01.13].

The more lies you tell your parents, the more convoluted their relationship with you becomes, making it more stressful to successfully engage you. The more lies they catch you in, the more they have to be disappointed with. The more they have to be disappointed with, the sooner they give up on you. It's a win-win-win.