Every time my parents tell me stories about their childhood or what their lives were like before they became parents, I'm left in a daze. Not to say that I never saw my parents as individuals outside of parenthood, but learning about who they were back then compared with now always reminds me that they, too, were just people learning how to navigate through life — and still are. So when I asked the BuzzFeed Community to share the stories that made them extremely aware of who their parents were before parenthood, I was completely enthralled. Here are some of the most wholesome, surprising, and melancholic responses:
1. "When my mother died, I asked her friends and family to tell me stories about her when she was a young woman. To me, my mother had always been serious, a little sad, and — for the last 25 years of her life — increasingly unwell. Turns out, my mother was the party girl. She loved to dance and throw weekend-long parties in her tiny room. And the men! When we were sorting out her jewelry box, I found a very sparkly engagement ring. I asked my dad what it was, and he said, 'Oh, that's probably from Zeb, the American painter." I was shocked. Who nearly marries an American painter named Zeb and never mentions it?! I wish I had asked her more questions while she was here, but I don't think she would have told me. Either way, I'm glad to know that she had such an exciting life before me."
2. "It was when my mom told me all about how she dropped out of art school to work as a ranch hand in Texas, saved money, spent it all to move to France and live on a boat, and traveled around Europe and the Caribbean until she was in her 40s. It made me realize and appreciate so much more the woman my mother is. Her stories are amazing, BTW. I wish I could have met that girl."
—Anonymous
3. "When I was younger, my family and I went to a wedding. At one point, my parents got up to dance. Watching them move as one — so seamlessly and smoothly, without a single misstep — I realized that they were more than just my parents. They'd known each other for so long and so well that they didn't even need to speak. They could communicate with just their eyes, and you could tell. The look they gave each other spoke of a lifetime before me, including the trials and tribulations they'd been through together."
4. "When I realized how young my dad was when he lost his mother. My parents always told me about their lives before they had kids, and they've always been transparent about their own hopes and dreams. But when I was 18, my dad mentioned offhandedly that his own mother had died by the time he was 18, and it seriously jolted me. I knew she died young and suddenly, but the thought of my dad being my age and having already lost a parent was a real shock. I love my parents so much, so the idea of my dad losing his mom at such a young age really made me reflect on what his life was like afterward."
5. "This is about my grandmother rather than my parents. But at her funeral earlier this year, I discovered that for her 50th birthday, she'd gone paragliding! She'd also spent her late-teenage years cycling around the country with a friend. She didn't seem like that type of lady at all — she was very studious and serene. It's a shame that I found out too late, but it was lovely to know nonetheless."
6. "I interviewed my grandmother for a high school paper about 20 years ago. I knew her as a homebody who was devoted to her family, and she never really spoke about her life before having children. When I interviewed her, she talked about her childhood growing up during World War II, and how all the kids in her coastal town would be on the lookout for U-boats (which they never saw). She always talked about how she took the most popular guy in school to prom, and how she was married to a military man for 10 years before divorcing him to then marry my grandfather. I knew she was married before, but not for that long. All that information was so at odds with the woman I knew. Sitting there and listening to my grandma talk about her life with such delight is still one of my favorite memories of her. She passed away a few years after the interview, but I still have that paper I wrote tucked away in a box."
7. "My mom had me at the age of 17. In a sense, we grew up together, which I never fully realized until looking back at my high school graduation pictures. The one photo that sticks out the most is a picture of her seeing me after the ceremony. It's not the best quality, as it is a candid shot, but you can just feel how proud she was through this picture. At the moment, I just felt happy that I made it through high school and made my mom proud, but now I KNOW why she was proud. Not only did I graduate, but the person SHE created accomplished something she never got the chance to do. It's nice to look back on and just feel good to actually know she was proud of herself that day as well."
8. "When I heard about my father's days in the Navy before he retired. He was in the military when I was born. I was born in Hawaii because that's where he was stationed at the time, so my parents were living there. As I grew older, I learned that he had been to over nine different countries before I was born! It's an incredible thing and privilege to learn about how much your parents did before parenthood."
9. "My dad is an investment banker. I once asked him why he chose a career in finance. He said that my grandpa (his dad) always had multiple jobs at once, and because of that, he was so busy that my dad never got to spend time with him after school or on the weekends. Conversely, my dad's friend's father was a banking executive and always got home by 5 p.m., since the stock market closed at 4. Because of this, my dad's friend was able to spend time with his father every day. This is why, by the age of 5, my dad had decided that he would be a banker so that he could give his kids the experience he never had: getting to spend time with their father every day."
10. "Before my older sister and I were born, my parents told me that they were living in Los Angeles during the O.J. Simpson trial. They were watching the Ford Bronco chase on the news after getting home from work. After watching the news for about five minutes, my dad said to my mom, 'If we leave now, we can watch him go by!' Without a second thought, my parents got their shoes, drove to the highway, and watched O.J. and all the police cars go by! They had such a wild and interesting life before having my sister and me! I really do love hearing the stories of their lives before us."
11. "My parents didn't have kids until they were in their 40s, so obviously, a lot of life was lived before we came around. However, I didn't know that my father was my mother's second husband until I was 14. Apparently, she got married at 18, and for over 10 years, she was unhappy. I didn't know that, so whenever I look back at the past, it explains why she was so strict with me growing up. She didn't want me to make the same mistakes."
12. "I was raised in a conservative Christian household. My folks didn't consume caffeine and didn't curse — you know the type. One time, I found a photo of them at a John Denver concert. Let's just say that there weren't any conservative Christian values present in that photo."
—Tana, 51, Arkansas
13. "I knew my mom was an amazing sewer, but when I was 13, I came across some old Glamour and Vogue magazines in the attic. I asked my mom why we had those, and she told me that several of the formal gowns featured in them were ones that she designed. She also told me that she won a sewing contest in her teens. At the time, I thought it was interesting, but I didn't fully appreciate the moment. I didn't ask for details, either. I was 13 and in my own world, I guess. Now, as an adult in my early 50s, I researched my family history. I came across an article about my mom, who was 16 at the time. She'd won first place in a design and sewing contest, beating out 32,000 other teens. I was absolutely floored that there were that many entries! When I brought this up to my mom, she herself didn't even realize how impressive winning that contest was. She's 85 now, and still impressive as ever."
14. "Recently, my 85-year-old mom shared that she'd had other boyfriends before my dad. Some of her boyfriends were married, gamblers, and pilots, and from all different backgrounds. I asked her if she'd ever been pregnant before me, and she said, 'No, but I probably should have been.' Mom was a party for sure."
—Anonymous
15. "I remember my parents going through a really rough time. Seeing my mom cry was very rare (she is a Scorpio through and through). During this time, I saw her break down for what felt like the first time, and she said to me, 'I just want my mom.' It didn’t even dawn on me that she could’ve felt like that — that she could be just like me, looking for her mother during her darkest moments. It changed the way I saw her forever."
16. "When I was 24, I found out that my mother had a child before me. This was during a time when it was considered taboo for women to have children before marriage, so my mother was sent to a town to live in a home for unwed mothers. This was in the early 1960s. I saw a photo of her during that period of her life, and she just looked miserable and, frankly, just spent. Turns out, it was after she had given up the baby."
—BK
17. And last, "When my grandma passed away, it was a very hard time for my dad. He didn't really have a father figure, so my grandma was really all he had when he was growing up. One time, I was up late, and I heard my dad and mom talking in the kitchen. I went over by the stairs and started eavesdropping (I was around 12 at the time), and I heard my dad crying. They were talking kind of quietly, so I couldn't hear everything, but I remember him saying this: 'She was the only one who really knew me as a kid.' I will always remember him saying that."
What was something you learned about your parents that made you reflect on what their lives were like before parenthood? Was there ever a moment that made you change how you view your parents? Let me know in the comments, or you can submit your story using this anonymous form.
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.