17 Dating App Red Flags And Green Flags From Someone Who's Unfortunately Been Single Long Enough To Know These Things

Yes, Brad from Moreno Valley, you're sooo quirky for liking pineapple on pizza.

I think we can all agree that dating apps are like the wild, wild west, and if you've never had to deal with the chaos and absolute stupidity that usually ensues from using a dating app, I resent you because you're so lucky.

Nah I'm deleting bumble this is too much pic.twitter.com/PFOKYnJvEs

— steelheals MS3 (@SteelhealsM) May 2, 2020

Exhibit A.

Of course, I would love to meet someone ~naturally~, but there isn't much opportunity when my two main destinations are "work" and "home." Like, it's gotten to a point where I should just pull up to a Dick's Sporting Goods and look lost so that a man potentially talks to me.

Even if it's a staged meet-cute, it's still a meet-cute...right? (Also, I highly doubt the love of my life is in my hometown. Or a Dick's Sporting Goods.)

Which brings me back to these two little fiends: Bumble and Hinge (I'm never going back on Tinder for reasons I won't disclose). It was so much easier using dating apps back in college, but now that I'm in my mid-20s, there are just a number of reasons why even getting a date can be difficult.

dating apps dont work for me because i need at least two years of friendship charged with weird sexual tension to even consider falling in love

— sofía (@nanastudioz) September 23, 2022

Twitter: @nanastudioz

For starters, sometimes I don't even know what I want. There are times the thought of a relationship gives me a major ick, while other times I want nothing but someone to romantically share life with and have fun! Factor in past dating app trauma and I'm left with a Loneliness Salad paired with a Solitude-Is-The-Only-Way-I-Win Cocktail.

IDK, maybe I'm part of the problem, but as someone who's spent a lot of time on dating apps, here are my 9 dating app red flags and 8 green flags:

sorry i ghosted you i felt a genuine connection and i got scared

— adrian ✰ (@BLEMlSH) October 7, 2022

Twitter: @BLEMISH

1. RED FLAG: Guns.

Dannica Ramirez / BuzzFeed / Via Hinge

Let's just rip the Band-Aid right off. I truly cannot see myself with anyone — long-term or short-term — who mentions in their dating profile how much they love guns. There were 549 accidental deaths by gun in 2021, so I'm staying as far away from guns, and people who enjoy shooting them, as much as possible. Fastest left swipe of my life. 

2. GREEN FLAG: When someone's upfront about what kind of relationship they're looking for.

ABC Family / Via giphy.com

It makes things a lot easier when people actually answer the little basic prompts. It saves so much time knowing right off the bat whether or not your relationship goals align. Like, why would I go to a pizzeria and then get mad when it doesn't serve sushi? Exactly. 

3. RED FLAG: When their whole personality is the gym.

NBC

You work out — I GET IT. Listen, it's not bad if people like being active and are looking for someone to share that interest with them. But if someone's dating profile revolves around trying to find a "forever spotter" and their ideal first date is "hitting PRs together," it's a no for me. To the people who do this: Are you just looking for a gym partner? 

4. GREEN FLAG: Having a pet.

Dannica Ramirez / BuzzFeed / Via Bumble

I don't care if someone says "doggo" or "puppers" (fine, maybe I care just a little bit), but having a pet just tells me that, on some level, that person is compassionate, responsible, and caring. Bonus points if they have a poodle-mix. 

5. RED FLAG: Having no bio whatsoever.

You On Kazoo! / Via giphy.com

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but a picture of someone smoking a cigar in a Taco Bell parking lot at 8:04 p.m. is not giving the sexy and mysterious vibes I think it was intended to. 

6. GREEN FLAG: Knowing how to cook.

Dannica Ramirez / BuzzFeed / Via Hinge

Anyone who takes the time to learn how to cook is a winner in my book. They don't have to be on the same level as Gordon Ramsay or make Michelin-type dishes, but it's nice not having to worry about a potential partner not knowing a basic life skill. 

7. RED FLAG: Saying they have "dark humor."

i say this with (no) love, but Bumble bumblers, "dark humor" "inappropriate thoughts" and "i speak in sarcasm" is not the individualizing trait you think it is

— Sabah Bano Malik (@sabahbanomalik) February 15, 2021

Twitter: @sabahbanomalik

Is it dark humor, or are they just using that as a cover-up for their potentially sexist, racist, and xenophobic jokes? Hmm....

8. GREEN FLAG: Originality.

Dannica Ramirez / BuzzFeed / Via Bumble

I'll admit, trying to convince people to swipe right based off of a silly little profile is hard. But as a society, can we please veer away from the pineapple on pizza debate? I'm begging. Seeing something on a dating app profile that I haven't seen before is such a breath of fresh air.

9. RED FLAG: Asking for Snapchat.

GIPHY Originals / Via giphy.com

What are we, middle-schoolers? Are you going to post on your Snap story and then expect me to swipe up? Are we going to start a streak? What's going on?!

10. GREEN FLAG: Having a good variety of pictures.

CBS / Via giphy.com

Having a good set of pictures is truly crucial for having what I consider to be a good dating app profile. Some selfies are fine, but having pictures that also show off some hobbies, their friends and family, and of course, some pet photos, just makes someone appear genuine and sincere. 

11. RED FLAG: Whatever the hell this is.

Dannica Ramirez / BuzzFeed / Via Bumble

My lost, indeed. 

12. GREEN FLAG: Getting to know each other over text before hanging out in person.

NBC / Via giphy.com

OK, this might be a little controversial, but I personally don't understand when people say they can't get to know someone over text. Obviously, I'm not looking to know your whole life story before going out to get a coffee, but I want to make sure the vibe is good and that we have some sort of base to go off of. Cuff me if that's such a crime!

13. RED FLAG: Fish pics.

Replace tinder fish pics with you displaying the largest gourd you grew in your garden

— Wocky Slush (@DanSyvret) August 25, 2020

Twitter: @DanSyvret

Because everyone loves seeing photos of someone posing with animals they've hunted. <3

14. GREEN FLAG: Being a foodie.

Nintendo / Via giphy.com

I'm not blaming anyone for being a picky eater, I'm just saying it probably wouldn't work out in the long run. Because what are you going to eat at my Filipino family parties? We don't have chicken strips and ketchup, we have chopped pork ears and vinegar, babes. 

15. RED FLAG: Disney adults.

Disney

I'm sure Disney adults have a very valid and emotional reason for making everything Disney-related their whole personality. But, after seeing videos of people falling to their knees in tears upon seeing the Disneyland castle for the first time post-pandemic, dating a Disney adult is just something I don't want to experience. 

16. GREEN FLAG: Having siblings.

if he has sisters, he is a walking green flag

— I.🤍 (@imxnnali) March 23, 2022

Twitter: @imxnnali

I understand there's some nuance here, and that since I'm an older sibling, I'm very biased, but there's something about growing up with (at least a mostly) healthy sibling dynamic that teaches tolerance, empathy, and how to be supportive.

And finally:

17. RED FLAG: Dairy milk drinkers.

FOX

I'm sorry, I just have to say it. There are so many non-dairy choices out there and you want, with every fiber in your being, whole milk? Bombastic side-eye.

What are some of your dating app red and green flags? Do dating apps leave you with a sense of emptiness, or do you enjoy the freedom that comes with using them? Let me know in the comments and we can navigate the hellscape that is dating apps together!