11 Very Important Things You Should Know Before Dating A Latina

YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!!!!!! *screams and cha-chas into the abyss.*

1. Latinas are spicy.

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Latina fetuses marinate in jalapeño juice inside their mother's womb. Nine months later, they come out kicking, screaming, and asking the nurse to turn on their favorite novela.

2. Latinas are great dancers.

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As newborns, we are rocked to sleep to the sound of "Quimbara quimbara quma quimbamba" by one of our 37 cousins. By the time we're toddlers, instead of learning the "Hokey Pokey," we're taught how to dance in a rueda de casino.

3. Latinas love when you call them mami.

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This is especially true for spicy Latinas who love to dance, in other words, literally all of us. And as a token of our appreciation for the cute nickname, we'll call you papi, which is cute and not creepy at all.

4. Latinas are LOUD as hell, so keep those earplugs handy.

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I am actually screaming as I write this, for no reason at all. Screaming internally? Nah, we don't understand that concept. We scream when we're angry, we scream when we're happy, we scream in our sleep. High-pitch sounds will never be the same for you, so I hope you're ready for the noise complaints and public embarrassment. No chance of living a chill life if you have a mamacita by your side.

5. Latinas absolutely love cooking.

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This is a pretty popular strategy to trap men in our community. We'll force-feed you arroz con habichuelas until you get so fat you can't physically leave us for another person.

6. Latinas are sOoOoO crazyyyyy.

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Neither the word chill or namaste exist in Spanish, which is why Latinas aren't brought up with a calm mentality. So technically, it's not our fault, we're just a product of our ~yogaless~ environment.

7. Latinas loooooove cleaning!

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If there's anything movies and TV shows have taught us, is that Latinas will always keep the house spotless (s/o to Consuela). Cleaning is one of the many things we're very passionate about, but be careful, we'll name our first-born Pine-Sol if you let us.

8. Latinas are very exotic.

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Just like piranha plants and El Chupacabra, Latinas are a rare species unlike anything else in this world. Scientists are still scrambling to explain how we manage to pack so much sassiness and craziness into one species.

9. A Latina's diet exclusively consists of tacos and tequila.

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It's no secret that ALL Latinas are Mexican, and that Mexicans only eat tacos and drink tequila. This is just common sense, you guys.

10. Latinas are curvy.

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REAL Latinas only come in one shape: ~curvy.~ So, if you're dating a Latina, you better have one hand on the emergency break, because we're all built like a winding road.

11. Latinas are fiery!

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Just like Flamin' Hot Cheetos, Latinas are all very...¿cómo se dice? Ah! I know, caliente. Unless you want to see sparks fly, I wouldn't recommend taking them near a gas station.

This is obviously meant to be read in a sarcastic tone. Stereotypes are dumb and there's really no right or wrong way to be a Latina.