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John Oliver Wants The People Of Ottawa To Sleep With Their Spouses

"Don't take this lying down, beneath some mulleted stranger wearing a wedding band."

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The recent hack of extramarital affair–facilitating website Ashley Madison revealed a shocking (and statistically questionable!) tidbit about our nation's capital: 1 of 5 Ottawans allegedly have an account on the site.

"Let's look at Canada," Oliver says, "the country with a thriving economy based on making jean jackets for geese, and of course their booming sexy Ryan manufacturing industry." So far, pretty accurate.

Oliver cites the alleged Ashley Madison statistic related to Ottawa, and highlights that Ottawa is "known by locals as the city that fun forgot."

"Ottawa, you cannot let this skeezy website destroy your marriages. Don't take this lying down, beneath some mulleted stranger wearing a wedding band."

HBO

Oliver says that Ottawa's city council needs to fight back. And then he introduces a hilarious Ottawa tourism-slash-don't-have-an-affair video produced by the show.

Canadian stereotypes ahoy!

"Attention people of Ottawa, we need to talk. Lumberjacks, turn off your chainsaws. Hockey players, stop skating for a second, boys. Moose, you keep moosin'; this doesn't concern you."

"This is for the married people of Ottawa, sitting at home thinking about having an affair: don't! There's a simple cure fo the marriage blues, I'm talking about the beautiful city of Ottawa.

HBO

Instead of having an affair, they suggest people go for a walk around parliament, or stroll along the Rideau Canal. Take in the local hot air balloon festival!

The show neglects to mention Bluesfest, the Tulip Festival, or Ottawa Ribfest, but we forgive them.

Then things take a turn for the negative. First, the obligatory snowplough shot.

HBO

"OK, look, we get it: Ottawa is a depressing, frigid shithole and always has been," it says. "But having an affair is downright un-Canadian. Do you think Mounties have affairs? Not in those hats."

Um, actually, since you mention Mounties, you may want to note that, oh never mind...

"Because Ottawa's not about getting your sweet, sweet extramarital fuck on," it concludes. "Ottawa's about watching your life float by like so much dirty river ice. Ottawa: a perfectly decent place to fuck your own spouse."

Watch the whole thing.

View this video on YouTube

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Craig Silverman is Media Editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in Toronto.

Contact Craig Silverman at craig.silverman@buzzfeed.com.

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