The recent hack of extramarital affair–facilitating website Ashley Madison revealed a shocking (and statistically questionable!) tidbit about our nation's capital: 1 of 5 Ottawans allegedly have an account on the site.
"Let's look at Canada," Oliver says, "the country with a thriving economy based on making jean jackets for geese, and of course their booming sexy Ryan manufacturing industry." So far, pretty accurate.
Oliver cites the alleged Ashley Madison statistic related to Ottawa, and highlights that Ottawa is "known by locals as the city that fun forgot."
"If you live in Ottawa, look to your left, look to your right: Both of those people are on Ashley Madison and so are you."
"Ottawa, you cannot let this skeezy website destroy your marriages. Don't take this lying down, beneath some mulleted stranger wearing a wedding band."
"Attention people of Ottawa, we need to talk. Lumberjacks, turn off your chainsaws. Hockey players, stop skating for a second, boys. Moose, you keep moosin'; this doesn't concern you."
"This is for the married people of Ottawa, sitting at home thinking about having an affair: don't! There's a simple cure fo the marriage blues, I'm talking about the beautiful city of Ottawa.
Then things take a turn for the negative. First, the obligatory snowplough shot.
"Because Ottawa's not about getting your sweet, sweet extramarital fuck on," it concludes. "Ottawa's about watching your life float by like so much dirty river ice. Ottawa: a perfectly decent place to fuck your own spouse."
Watch the whole thing.
Craig Silverman is a media editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in Toronto.
Contact Craig Silverman at firstname.lastname@example.org.
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