Earlier this morning a great and important invitation of Swedish proportions was sent to media in Halifax, Nova Scotia. The president of IKEA Canada and the mayor will be making "an important Media Announcement" on Friday.
Well. #Halifax
So people started losing their shiiit.
If Halifax gets an ikea I'll probably cry
IKEA, BITCHES!! #halifax
"@CBCNS IKEA Canada making an announcement in Halifax Friday morning. Mayor Mike Savage expected to attend."
HALIFAX PREPARES TO BOW DOWN BEFORE ITS NEW OVERLORD: IKEA. Residents willing to sacrifice offspring for one more chance at cheap furniture.
OH MY FLEUFEGNUUGEN!! https://t.co/I3oUppDefO
There's good reason for this. IKEA had a store in Dartmouth, but it closed almost 30 years ago and nothing has ever been the same. Here's a Globe And Mail report from March 11, 1988, the day the Swedish pressboard pushers dropped a sad meatball on Scotia.
I was 11 years-old when IKEA abandoned our family. I called up my mom in Halifax (pictured in an IKEA chair bought in Quebec) to tell her the news, and she yelled into the phone because she was so happy. "Do you remember the ball room?!" she asked. I do!
She said IKEA closing its store in Dartmouth left the city with "a feeling of total desertion because everyone had come to love the place."
She had fond memories of building the furniture.
"I learned how to use those fracking little screwdrivers they give you," she said. "I learned through cussing and swearing."
But since IKEA broke our hearts before, some Nova Scotians are proceeding with caution.
Ikea is opening old-time order/pick up counters (like Sears!) in smaller markets. Halifax = smaller market. Manage your expectations.
They are ready for the worst.
I hope the IKEA announcement in Halifax is just "Hey, fuck you."
I mean, maybe IKEA is just coming to finally squash all rumours of a return?
IKEA: "We want to put speculation to rest. We will not be opening a store in #Halifax" - better not be the announce. https://t.co/AZVC9oFHE4
Or to ask people to stop bugging them.
Imagine if IKEA's announcement is just "Halifax, you have to stop texting us. We're just not that into you."
But others are hopeful, and are deep into preparations.
Get your Allen keys ready #Halifax. #ikea
Wish lists are being drafted.
I don't care where they put the IKEA in Halifax. As long as it comes with a monkey.
Because (maybe!) soon, Halifax, you too will be able to wander along a meandering path of goods while questioning everything about your significant other, and praying for the sweet release of cheap hot dogs.
I feel slightly dirty about how excited I am at the prospect of an Ikea in Halifax.