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The 16 Most Hilarious Excuses Offered By Canadian Drivers To The Police

"You are wasting your time, I have driven way more drunk than this!"

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The Abbotsford Police Department in British Columbia has an annual tradition they call "Driving Excuses Week." It tweets out the funniest, strangest, and most pathetic excuses offered by drivers who have been pulled over.

1. Let's begin with the drunk guy riding a lawnmower on the sidewalk. What did he tell the police?

Impaired man learns his sidewalk-driving riding lawnmower is being impounded. "The joke's on you! I have another one"

2. Here's another drunk driver who thinks they're pretty smart.

Impaired Driver to #abbypd - "You are wasting your time, I have driven way more drunk than this!" #SadlyWeBelieveYou http://t.co/YX2LO9ULFA

3. This driver had a very logical reason for why they only scraped off a small part of their windshield in winter.

Driver pulled over after windshield clearing fail - I wasn't trying to see the whole road, just the part I was using.

4. Witness the infallible speeder logic.

Driver to #abbypd - "There was a bee in the car. I was trying to drive faster than he could fly." #Buzzwords #BeeSafe http://t.co/AQiLkYeeBL

5. A shirtless motorcyclist was speeding and wearing Crocs. Surely they had a good excuse?

Shirtless speeder on motorcycle wearing Crocs and a bicycle helmet - "It's too hot for anything else!" #Seriously?

Nope.

6. Here's how to make an ass of yourself in front of the police.

Driver - I was speeding because my hemorrhoids bother me when I sit. #abbypd - Sorry, you'll be sitting longer now.

7. This driver is a liar and is also terrible at remembering faces.

Driver- This is my 1st ticket ever! #abbypd - Except for the 1 I gave you for running the same stop sign 2 weeks ago.

8. Yet another police ID fail.

Driver tries to "name drop" his way out of a ticket. Unfortunately uses name of officer that stopped him. #IdontKnowU http://t.co/MPjpxNfmbJ

9. This driver tried to pinky swear their way out of a ticket.

Driver negotiating an alternative to a breath sample w #abbypd officer. "Couldn't we settle this with a pinky swear?" http://t.co/u01Vm93Nbu

10. Here are some people who thought they could fool the officer with a bit of misdirection.

Driver - I wasn't on the phone, you're mistaken. #abbypd - It's still in your hand. Driver - You're still mistaken!

11.

Driver- I wasn't speeding & you didn't see a phone, it was a hamburger. #abbypd -That you held to your ear & is gone? http://t.co/C2pb0utWu0

12.

Driver to #abbypd - "I wasn't on the phone, I ANSWERED the phone. I didn't want to be rude!" #CrashingIsRudeToo http://t.co/ce4JpTph2j

13. Awesome cop comeback number one.

Ticketed driver - "My dad could buy you." #abbypd officer - "Get him to buy two of me, I could use the help." http://t.co/vRzn0rvhGd

14. Awesome cop comeback number two.

Driver - "I'm a lawyer." #abbypd officer "Excellent, I'm a policeman." Long silence. http://t.co/g8Md7Z6tLW

15. Another example of how drunk drivers are not good at talking to the police. (Which is probably a good thing.)

#abbypd officer - "What time was your last drink?" Driver - "Two years ago . . two hours ago . .. the second one." http://t.co/63iNI3dq6v

16. Aaaaaand finally, we have the most amazing drunk driver fail.

Drunk driver jumps into #abbypd car thinking it's a cab. "Get me outta here buddy, cops are everywhere tonight!"

Follow @AbbyPoliceDept this week for more examples!

Craig Silverman is Media Editor for BuzzFeed News and is based in Toronto.

Contact Craig Silverman at craig.silverman@buzzfeed.com.

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