I can only assume that nothing could truly prepare you for welcoming another human being into this world that you created. The changes that your body can go through, not just physically but mentally and spiritually as well, are absolutely astounding.
So when I saw u/altzoey pose the question, "Women that have had kids, what’s the biggest unexpected change it brought to your life?" In the r/AskWomen Reddit thread, I knew the responses would be full of completely wholesome, terrifying, and unique experiences, and that's exactly what happened:
1. "My body changed a lot. I didn't even enjoy the same things in bed as I did before. Also, I care more about their stupid child drama than I had thought I would. I have never wanted to fight a child until one made my kid cry."
2. "I learned to understand the long-term consequences of my words and actions. I’m rather emotional and spontaneous in my reactions to situations. I have truly learned to hold myself back because it has a huge impact on my kids. Kids see black and white and don’t understand adult nuances. Words carelessly said can destroy them."
3. "What changed for me was how many mental tabs you have open at any one time. You're planning for today, tonight, tomorrow, the weekend, Christmas, dentist appointments, winter clothes, and daycare, and that’s when everything is running smoothly. Someone gets sick, an unexpected event occurs, or visitors arrive... It just compounds. There’s never a time anymore when my brain is quiet or slow; it’s a constant, moving, exhausted machine."
4. "Loss of self. Meaning for me, I just can’t do things for me that I loved as much or at all before I had my kids."
5. "How much more empathy I have now towards people who had a rough childhood. It breaks my heart, and I just want to hug them and comfort them."
6. "Can’t sneeze without peeing a little bit anymore."
7. "My capacity for love, even outside of my kid, has grown. It feels like I love everyone else I've loved even more now. It unlocked a whole new level of emotional capacity across the board."
8. "Loneliness. It sounds weird, I know, and for mothers who go back to work, this probably isn't as much of a problem, but I'm sure it's still prevalent. You go from working, socializing, and running errands as an adult, and then you have a newborn. You are now spending 24/7 caring for a tiny creature that can't talk and mostly sleeps or cries. You are up all night while the world is asleep. You are home all day while the world (most likely your spouse included) goes to work. You are alone the majority of the time in those infant stages unless you live with family. It gets lonely; you can feel like a ghost on top of feeling like a sleep-deprived zombie. It's hard and not something that anyone prepares you for."
9. "Slightly flippant answer, but I never expected to cry so much at children’s TV! There are episodes of Bluey that just destroy me."
10. "My belly has some extra skin and probably never will be as flat as it once was; I don't always have the time to do makeup (so I'll do with just some quick mascara); my boobs are having a competition to see which one can get to my bellybutton first (just a little bit of exaggerating here); I have somewhat darker circles under my eyes; and more stuff like that. BUT... I feel prettier and more relaxed in my skin than before I had my children. My oldest is almost 5 years old (I also have a 3-year-old and a 5-month-old) and will tell me I'm beautiful almost every day. I know what my body is capable of, and I am so proud of that. I never believed people when they told me I looked good until now. How I look isn't a priority anymore, and I don't care. I take better care of myself because I want to be a good role model for my daughters."
11. "That no religion, belief system, or threat of a church will ever trump the way I unconditionally love, protect, and cherish my children. I left the religion I was born into because I will never disown or shun them 'because God says.' This has grown my ability to do the same for all people, and I hate how I was raised to be. I made them, and they are all that fu*king matter."
12. "I've cut a lot of people out of my life that I never thought I would. I was dealing with them treating me poorly and bringing negativity into my life, but I can't have that around my children."
13. "Not a wholesome touchy-feely change, BUT my alcohol tolerance. Absolutely no wine, and no beer; sometimes a Bloody Mary will be okay, and I can handle non-sweet seltzers. I get so sick after one drink with so many different alcohols now. I rarely drink and still have fun!"
14. "The unconditional love. I have never felt love like that or knew I was capable of loving like that."
15. "I'm four months postpartum, and I have been surprised that sex is way better for me after having a baby. My husband and I have always had a great sex life, but somehow now it's (very noticeably) even more pleasurable. Also, being a mom makes me feel strong and fierce and overall more confident, secure, and sexy. I wasn't expecting that either."
16. "That nothing outweighs my love for my children, but also that nothing tests my patience as much as my children either. Also, you are always learning how to parent. It's a never-ending cycle of trial and error, rolling with the punches, going with the flow, and choosing your battles."
17. "Total peace with every single decision I’ve ever made in my life because if anything had gone differently, I might not have ever met them."
And finally, this user shared the unexpected change they went through after having kids, and it's honestly one of the most heartwarming things you'll hear all year:
18. "My daughters were so beautiful, it made me realize I was pretty. I never saw it in myself until them."
Did you find yourself going through completely unexpected changes after you had children? Feel free to share your stories in the comments below!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.