Everyone's experience with their parents is totally different. There are endless ways to parent, and I'm sure there are endless ways those parenting skills can affect kids as they grow. I grew up with "fun parents" in the sense that media wasn't really censored, I didn't have a bedtime, often stayed up late with my mom, and was even allowed to call my parents by their first names. It impacted me really positively, inspired who I am today, and how I view parenting.
I absolutely still had discipline, though. My parents often taught me about discerning right from wrong, reality vs. media, and the importance of getting an education (you better believe I still had to go to school after those late nights).
It's safe to say, though, that not everyone's experience with lenient parents affect them the same way. So I asked the people in the BuzzFeed Community who grew up with "lenient" parents to tell me about their experience and how it impacted them growing up, and here's what they had to say:
1. "My parents were always the 'if you want to try it, we’d rather you try it here and be safe' parents. By the time I got to late high school/early university, I never went off the deep end because alcohol, etc. weren’t taboo growing up. Their openness and trust allowed me to feel comfortable and easygoing about parties and drinking because it wasn’t a secret novelty. I was absolutely better off as a result, and I would be the same with my children if I had them some day. Thanks, mum and dad."
2. "My parents didn't believe in censorship, so while some of my friends and cousins had restrictions on the shows they could watch, music they could listen to, etc., my sister and I didn't. My dad even put on file at the video store that 'the kids can rent whatever they want' because he got tired of being called to come into the store and place the rental for us whenever we picked out an R-rated movie as preteens."
"It wasn't lazy parenting, either, which is what so many people tend to think. They believed that giving us more freedom in that regard meant that we would not be afraid to come to them if we had questions because we wouldn't fear being punished for watching something that we weren't allowed to. The same even went for porn — when they found out that I'd discovered porn magazines at age 12, they were more concerned over whether I had questions than restricting me from reading them. I found THAT too awkward, though, and quickly fled the room."
3. "My parents never grounded me, despite my getting caught shoplifting, sneaking out of the house, and throwing wild parties. I am a successful adult with a job I’ve been at for 10 years. I am incredibly close with my parents. I take responsibility for my actions, and I don’t punish myself when I make an error. We’re all humans!"
4. "My parents were and still are super lenient. My mom says to this day that she and my dad wouldn't change a thing, as it taught us to trust our guts and how important overall trust is, as well as how important it is to keep someone else's. Because of that, I feel my two siblings and I lead decent lives compared to other people in our small town."
"We had fun and were stupid teenagers, but we always respected our parents' wishes to be safe and use our heads. My dad is a second-generation Italian, so as I got older, it was a little more strict, but we never had a curfew, never got grounded, and just had our monthly check-ins for our attitudes or something silly like grades. We certainly weren't spoiled, but I still sort of brag sometimes about how cool they were (and still are) when I was a kid. It helped me to learn how important trust and respect are, as there are no two people I respect and trust more."
5. "My mom was very much the 'cool mom,' and as a kid, I thought it was great. All my friends wanted to do was have sleepovers at my house, and I thought of my mom more as a friend than a parent. However, as I got older, I slowly came to realize that my mom had never really been a cool mom; she was an immature one. She was trying to live vicariously through me and my friends and sought constantly to be one of us."
6. "My parents had their weird stuff, but they would qualify as extremely lenient, especially for Indian parents. We had no curfews, no embargoes on dating, and no digital restrictions. As a result, I think I never did stuff for rebellious reasons. There was no need to party only when they were out of town or hide my usage of my phone."
"Instead, I was able to do things because they genuinely interested me, and I learned to say no to things (like parties) in which I had no interest. As an adult, it made it really easy for me to live independently because I had been doing that and making my own decisions, managing and balancing my academic and social life myself for a few years. It was great."
7. "My parents had a very progressive parenting style. No bedtime; just go to bed when you’re tired. There were no rules on what I could watch on TV (looking back, regardless of how inappropriate it was). I was never even grounded or put in timeout. My parents just talked it out with me until I understood what I had done wrong and apologized. The only real rule in my house growing up was that educating myself was a must. This was all great until I reached my teens."
8. "My parents separated when I was 2, and I lived with my mum but saw my dad on weekends. The reality has been heartbreaking about how wrong I was in thinking my dad was the fun one, especially knowing what I've learned about him as an adult and becoming a parent myself. Mum did all school-related stuff and had to be more strict. She was responsible for homework, eating, going out, paying for all uniforms, school trips, every dentist trips, and doing every parent's evening. Dad got left with the fun weekend stuff."
"Dad let me drink at a very young age (luckily, I'm responsible and a bit of a control freak), said he would get me drugs if I wanted them (again, too much of a control freak to ever do drugs), and gave me all the sugar and fizzy drinks I could ever want. It turns out he's actually a horrible person, which he has shown me himself, and he thinks he has rights over my children. I feel so bad for being so harsh to my mum growing up and that she had to be the least fun parent. But we're besties now."
—Anonymous
9. "My stepdad was the ultimate Woodstock hippie, and the dude just never grew out of it. He wore his beautiful black hair long and proud, tried every drug, and lived as a beach bum in Hawaii. (I'm so glad he didn't have to live to see the Maui fires because it would have destroyed him.) Everyone in our neighborhood knew and loved him, even my teachers (I found out later that it was because he was the primo bud supplier to my high school's staff)."
10. "My parents are both extremely liberal, and it had the opposite effect than you would imagine. I would tell them I was going to the mall and go to church instead (they are atheists). I still don't drink, and I didn't have my first kiss until I was 18. I demanded so much from myself, while they just wanted me to be happy. I was never grounded, yelled at, or anything. When all your uncles and aunts have already done all the drugs, tagged walls, and rebelled in every way possible, those things are just not that appealing."
—Anonymous
11. "My parents were pretty chill about a lot of things. I was out with friends a lot or had friends over all the time. I was allowed to watch shows and movies that some of my cousins weren't allowed to watch, and they weren't super strict about wardrobe. I noticed when I moved out to school that the kids who had super strict parents were the ones who went nuts and partied harder than anyone. The new freedom was overwhelming for them. Now that I'm a parent, I'm pretty similar with my kids. My 4-year-old picks her own clothes; I let her pick what she wants for breakfast and lunch, and I'm hopeful it will grow into her being able to make decisions."
12. "I guess I’ll be that Debbie Downer and say I’ve always loathed that my mom was the lenient one because it opened up such a bad door for me. She thought it was cute that her 13-year-old daughter hung out with a 22-year-old man. She’d tell everyone about it. What she probably knew might happen was that I was going over there drinking, getting high, and making out with his 20-year-old brother."
"Later on, after we broke up, my 'best friend' got me drunk and fooled around with me as well. I couldn’t understand why he kept apologizing because I said it was okay to kiss me. As a grown woman now, I realize he knew damn well what he did was wrong. I’ve lived a long life of substance abuse issues and toxic relationships that directly stem from my mom condoning really bad behavior. I’ve told people for years that I hate that my mom didn’t care enough to step in. This question really hit home."
13. "My mom had rules but worked nights growing up; therefore, I got away with more than I should have. My dad was home and very lenient. As an adult, I realized how lenient he was, which made me realize he really didn’t care about us kids or anything. Because if he cared, I wouldn’t have gotten away with half the stuff I did. Now that I’m a parent, I realize why my friend's parents were strict and had rules for her. Not because they were annoying, bad parents but actually good parents."
14. "I had a 'fun' mom who was like best friends with my older sisters but left me out. The only thing it made me feel was resentment. I needed direction; I needed help with homework, not someone who wanted to talk about drama. I needed someone I could trust, not a two-faced person who twisted my words. While it benefited my sisters, it definitely pushed me away."
"My dad was more my style of fun. We worked on anything and everything and taught me about life. But it still didn't help me in school the way I needed. When it came to my schooling, they wouldn't help but then blame me for my low grades (or failing). Now, at 26 years old, I hardly have any sort of relationship with them. They don't know much about me besides what's on the surface. They don't know my opinions on politics, God, music, or books. They couldn't even tell you how I parent my own kids!"
—Anonymous
15. "My mom was very down to earth and fun, but she expected respect, truth, and responsibility from us while basically allowing us to make our own mistakes, etc. She taught us values like not being judgmental and having compassion and empathy for others. BUT she would buy us cigarettes and beer when we were underage, but only if we were somewhere safe when consuming them. I smoked weed for the first time with my mom at 18."
16. "My parents were incredibly lenient, but it was conditional on me being well-behaved. I knew if I was too rebellious, I'd lose their trust, and things would change. The thought of therefore disappointing them meant it never seemed worth really acting out. I'm now a pretty sensible adult, but I had some great experiences growing up and am pretty street smart as a result. I will definitely try to raise my kids the same way. The trust my parents showed me was brilliant, and I'm very grateful for it."
And finally, this person was able to beautifully put into words how life-changing it can be to have fun parents:
17. "My parents were lenient in that we didn’t have many 'rules' and we didn’t get 'punished.' We had family guidelines, and they taught us why these were important: family dinner every evening to spend time together; a suggested curfew for safety (before having a driver’s license because using taxis or public transit was less safe). My siblings and I were treated like important and valued members of our family."
Did you grow up with lenient parents and want to share your story? Feel free to let me know in the comments!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.