Everyone knows that maintaining a successful marriage will come with its own set of hardships. And when you can successfully merge your entire life with someone else's "for better or worse," it can and will turn into something beautiful for decades to come.
So, when u/InvectiveDetective posed the question, "Happily together couples of 10+ years, what's your story and secret?" in the r/AskReddit community, people who have been married almost longer than I've even been alive started dropping these incredible gems of relationship knowledge:
1. "Listen intently with love. Then thoughtfully respond with patience and love."
2. "I’ve always considered the hard work to be the work you do on yourself to be a good partner. Some people have good relationships modeled for them; some have good manners instilled in them; and still, others are innately kind. The rest of us have to work at it. But the connection should be there. Any relationship where you’re struggling through the day-to-day sounds deeply unpleasant."
3. "Any qualms we've ever had usually stemmed from one of us not communicating effectively. We've had our fair share of arguments like any couple; we've just gotten a lot better over the years at working past them and not holding grudges."
4. "All long-term relationships have the same thing in common — the people in the relationship want to be in that relationship. That's really it. What it takes to keep going is different for every couple. Every couple that is willing to do those things stays together; when they aren't, they split up."
5. "You don’t have to do everything together; explore your own interests. Time to yourself is good and allows you to enjoy the things you do together."
6. "I make her happiness as high a priority as my own. The happier each of us is, the happier the other one is, too."
7. "Marriage counseling. Seriously. Even if you think nothing’s wrong. It helps with communication, keeping trust, and intimacy."
8. "Do relationship check-ins when things are going well (usually during times of upcoming transition for us), not just when there are problems. That way, you catch the small things that can begin to snowball into bigger things."
9. "Always, always build up your spouse. Never speak poorly of them. Fiercely support their goals and dreams, and build yours together, too."
10. "It’s about shared values, not shared interests. Finding things you both enjoy doing together is a perk. Having similar viewpoints on the importance of things like honesty, trust, family, work ethic, religion, etc., is critical."
11. "I've been married for 20 years. It's about really listening and sharing a sense of humor. And also knowing that the other person's intentions are good, even if they aren't perfect."
12. "Married 31 very happy years. I’m 53; he’s 55. Most people understand that a good relationship requires respect, communication, and honesty. And that’s true. I mean, wouldn’t it be awesome if every relationship, including marriage, friendship, coworkers, parent-child relationships, etc., had those things in abundance?"
"Now, here’s the difference between a thriving marriage and all of those other types of relationships: sex. It really adds to a marriage when you both nurture your sex life, whatever the word 'nurture' means to the two of you. Even when you’re old, like my husband and I are, LOL. Even when you’re raising kids. Even when life is busy. I can tell you with 100% certainty that maintaining a good sex life has added greatly to our overall happiness as a married couple."
13. "Commitment, communication, and mutual respect make our journey worthwhile!"
14. "Luck definitely plays into it. Neither one of us is the person we were 25 years ago; you either grow together, or you grow apart."
15. "Keep dating! Have a weekly date night, whatever that looks like for the two of you. No exceptions."
16. "Picking someone who has similar long-term goals and general interests seems to work. But also someone who doesn't expect that you will be each other's entire life."
17. "Don't forget to have fun. I see so many couples that have been together half the time my wife and I have been together, and they look absolutely miserable. Maybe they were never meant to be and incompatible out of the gate; who knows? My wife and I sort of have an unspoken rule to never take life too seriously."
And finally, this user gave us an answer that was so mushy and just screamed that they adored their partner — it honestly made love seem simple:
18. "We just enjoy each other's company in about every aspect. The only way our relationship has even changed is since we had kids, but I think we both grew even more together from that. The only secret I can even think of is that I feel like every day I look at her and I'm still not sure how I got so lucky. If you find that, I do recommend enjoying every moment."
