When I went to bed I had not a single ounce of doubt in my mind that things would turn out like this. When I went to bed I remembered Obama's words "regardless of what happens, the sun will rise tomorrow" so when I woke up and didn't see the Sun… I knew the outcome.
It's ironic this all happened so close to Christmas. Have you ever seen those feel good Christmas movies? Where everything is black and white and sad during the main struggle when 'people have lost the spirit of Christmas in their hearts?' that's what I was walking through as I walked the streets of Norfolk, Virginia this morning. I was on my way to work backstage for a production; I stopped for breakfast at my favorite coffee shop and saw a friend there. She said hi and gave me a hug. I got to the show and ran into the composer backstage. He smiled that smile you give when you want to be hopeful in the face of adversity, hugged me, and that was it. When our director passed me, he gave me a high five, and said "Now the Real Work begins."
I had to walk out of my house knowing that over half the country voted to treat me like a second class citizen because of who I love; they voted with the priority of 'purifying' their country of people they didn't approve of. I was ill… violently ill… still am. My body couldn't stop shaking, sweating, I couldn't close my eyes or look over my shoulder without thinking "I'm an alien in my home… my own country… because of who I am." All of this time, I've been feeling like an act of violence was committed against me and the people I love…
It took my friend Kat to tell me "No, this doesn't 'feel like it.' This IS an act of violence."
This is my response America, this is my response to your act of violence against me and my communities. In the next few days you will see more protests than ever before, you will see people continue to kneel for the anthem and you may even see some people defame or express hatred to the American Flag. You don't get to be mad at them. You don't get to tell them what to do with your Flag. Not Black Lives Matter, Not the LGBTQ Activists, Not Muslims, no one. You don't get to tell them how to feel about your flag, your anthem, your America. I use 'your' very strongly here because it is now your flag, your anthem, your country, your America. Because it was your election, your act of violence, your collective slap in the face against the people of this country; that we are not welcome in your America.
This is fine, this is fine because you don't get to tell me 'show respect to your flag' or 'show respect to your country' because this. Is. Not. My. Country.
America is not a place, but a people. It is a diverse, rich, amazing melting pot of people from lives, experiences, and family histories that span the world to make this America--MY America--great. So when the people who make my America great are told that they aren't welcome, told they should be afraid, they have every right to be. They have been here with you, all of you, and they've given an equal piece of their lives to this country. And when you tell them their presence is a threat to their America...the time, the pain, the things those people have to go through to grasp what has happened to them is fair.
You showed us today that the people with this dream, the diverse and beautiful souls that wanted to bring a country unlike any other in the world, are not welcome in your America. You got to sentence every LGBTQ person in this country, you got to deport every immigrant in this country, you got to rape every woman in this country, you got to lynch every Black person in this country, you got to tell every person in this country who has tried to combat your hate with love that it is not welcome in YOUR America with this act of violence. So be patient with us people. Trump supporters, you don't get to tell us to get over it. White Allies you don't get to tell us 'hold on, there might be some hope' because there is a lot to process here. We are processing betrayal, from the white and straight allies who told us they had our back and didn't even turn out to vote. We're processing the fact that more than half the country believes our lives are worthless. When you've discovered your family, your home, is made up of people who don't think you're a human; that deserves time to grieve and process.
…I can't love America today, but I can love my America; and I can continue to dig in and hope you'll welcome that America again one day. You know what America, I'm not sorry anymore.
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