I think it's safe to say a lot of the age-old parenting stereotypes we often hear about (and probably experienced from our parents) have become, well, a bit outdated as times have changed. So when redditor u/Then-Routine4852 asked the r/Parents community about the parenting clichés or stereotypes they wish would go away, people named A LOT of tired parenting tropes they're sick of seeing. Here's some of what they had to say:
1. "The 'You asked for it,' 'You knew this,' or 'You signed up for it' attitude toward struggling parents. There seems to be this attitude that parents should know or expect everything and that because they had kids, it's okay for them to suffer or struggle. Life is too dynamic — children and young adults aren't robots, they're individuals. So to shrug and say, 'You signed up for it' is unhelpful and just wrong."
2. "That little baby boys or girls are 'flirting' when they’re smiling at an adult."
3. "The 'do-it-all mom.' It may be from my state (Utah), but you must be put together, have well-dressed kids, do crafts, go all out for holidays, make everything homemade, and have a perfect house. Nope. Hard pass."
4. "The jokes/culture of drinking alcohol because parenting is hard and the kids are driving you crazy. The whole 'wine mom'/'gin mom' trend or calling beer 'happy daddy juice.' Little baby outfits that say, 'I'm the reason Mommy drinks,' or a picture of a beer glass and a baby bottle that says, 'Daddy's bottle, my bottle.' I have just seen so many. It glorifies alcohol as a stress reliever/mood booster and makes it seem really trivial and as if it's the norm. And for kids growing up with an alcoholic parent, it creates the idea in their mind that it's all their fault. I don't find it cute, funny, or trendy."
5. "The whole notion of dads 'babysitting.' Um, no, that is their child. They're not babysitting, they are parenting."
6. "Parents asking other (especially young) kids if they have a boyfriend or girlfriend yet. It is not cute and borders on creepy."
"Also, when they call any friend of the opposite sex the kid's boy- or girlfriend. I had a male friend in primary school, and my parents kept mocking me so much and calling him my boyfriend. I ended up distancing myself from him because it embarrassed me so much. It was an innocent friendship, and they ruined it for me."
7. "Forcing kids to clean their plate (eat everything). This creates an unhealthy attitude toward food. I try to portion enough to what I know my kiddo can eat, but holy crap, I've seen some parents feed their kids adult servings and tell them they aren't leaving the table until it's done."
8. "Making your kids be affectionate toward people. When I grew up, my parents would obligate me to ‘say hi' or give a kiss or hug to every adult at any event, and I hated it. I never push my kids to give hugs or kisses, even if it’s a close relative. They get to choose when they want to be physically affectionate and with whom. I also don’t let adults use physical affection as a bargaining tool: ‘I’ll give you a cookie if you give me a hug’ — it just seems so gross to me."
9. "Not wanting girls because of the 'teenage years' or whatever age they pick."
10. "The whole 'Dad intimidating his daughter's new boyfriend' thing needs to go. It’s so fucking creepy and insecure."
"The number of old men who have approached my husband while out with our three daughters (all under 6) to tell him he better have his gun ready because of how pretty they already are is gross."
11. "The idea that all parents lose their identities once they have children and become boring, soulless shells of their former selves who never do anything fun or for themselves."
12. "The idea that girls are somehow more difficult to raise than boys. They’re not. Both girls and boys are emotional and complex."
13. "I hate the idea that toddlers (ages 2 to 4) are terrible and terrorizing (threen-agers, ‘fuck-you 4s'). I really don’t think it's healthy to label your child’s completely normal developmental stage so negatively. I don’t believe this framing is actually helping parents. Of course, we need to be able to vent when overwhelmed, but I don’t feel it's constructive to give a label to an entire age or window of time."
14. "The only-child stereotypes."
"As a mom to an only child (and not by choice, because infertility is a bitch, but people who are one and done by choice hear this crap too), I am so tired of hearing that 'you're not a real mom/parent/family until you have more than one child.' Having my parenting struggles diminished because I have 'just one,' being told that I should 'give [my] daughter a sibling,' that she must be so lonely without a sibling to play with, or that she'll be a selfish, spoiled, unsocialized weirdo without a sibling — just stop."
15. "'Boy mom' — you're just being weird. Find a personality separate from your kid's gender, OK?"
16. "The idea that 'gentle parenting' and 'permissive parenting' are the same thing. No, we don’t let our kids do whatever they want. YES, we have boundaries, consequences, and accountability! No, we aren’t the parents with awful, uncontrollable kids. Our kids act like children in ways that are developmentally appropriate because we haven’t terrified them into perfectly still silence all the time."
"We just do all those things while treating them like humans, giving them an appropriate level of autonomy, caring about their opinions, and not physically hurting, shaming, yelling, or punishing them punitively!
"As someone with an angel of a teenager who has been parented gently/consciously/authoritatively/responsively from birth, it’s EXHAUSTING listening to the dumb stereotypes and people who say it doesn’t work and/or creates shitty kids."
17. "This topic has been brought up a million times, but I wish people would let their kids have privacy and keep them off the internet."
18. "Negative stereotypes of stay-at-home moms: that they're uneducated, lazy, spending their hardworking husband's money, don't do anything all day, etc. I recently became a SAHM after working outside the home my entire career, and I'm shocked at how often those stereotypes are openly thrust upon me — people feel no shame about it."
19. "I'm sick of dads being stereotyped as lazy or hands-off at home or with the kids. I do ALL of the grocery shopping, cooking, and most of the cleaning in my house. I'm as hands-on with the kids as my wife is. I prepare snacks and see them off to school most school days, I take them on outings, and I handle the baby all the time. I resent the assumption that I don't do these things."
Are there any parenting clichés you wish would disappear? Let us know in the comments or fill out this anonymous form.
Note: Some responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.