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HOW FAST IS YOUR FUCKING SALAD

we all think we can toss a tomato 298 km/h, but what about wind gusts or flying debris? DON'T BE A COCKY BAG OF BONES, we'll tell you the REAL DAMN ANSWER

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  1. Finish this sentence. Children should be _________

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    not seen not heart not smelled
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    put to work, their nimble hands are perfect for peeling tomatoes
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    eating vegetables 45 times a day
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    doing whatever their mom tells them, I dunno it's not my responsibility she's just better at that stuff
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    out in the shed screaming at the lettuce
  2. WHAT DOES A CHAIR HAVE TO DO WITH SALAD?

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    I will sit on it while I crush the cucumber
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    I will use it's legs to intimidate the broccoli
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    I will burn it up and roast a yam on top
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    I will shred it up and mix it with the Parmesan for the trash guests that I hate
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    I will give it a prize for not discriminating based on race or ethnicity
  3. AN ONION MUST ENTER THE SALAD. HOW DO YOU PREPARE IT?

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    THROW IT AT A DOG
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    ROLL IT UNDER AN ANT'S NEST
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    THROW IT INTO THE CEILING FAN
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    MAKE MORE MONEY THAN IT
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    VERBALLY ASSAULT IT UNTIL IT WEEPS ITSELF TO DEATH
  4. Pick a fucking radish.

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  5. How do you anticipate a vegetable should look after a good old fashion VERBAL DECIMATION?

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  6. Which is definitely the MOST effective way to smash up some lettuce?

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    coerce a wolf into howling on it
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    throw it in the damn TRASH
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    have a pumpkin take a shit on your face
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    glue it to a wild mule
  7. PICK A DAMN SALAD

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    Ancient Salad
    Ancient Salad
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    Trash Salad
    Trash Salad
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    Baby Salad
    Baby Salad
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    Hand Salad
    Hand Salad
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    Phyllis's Strawberry Cotton Candy Salad
    Phyllis's Strawberry Cotton Candy Salad
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    Meat Salad
    Meat Salad
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