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    Updated on Nov 5, 2019. Posted on Oct 28, 2019

    100 Tweets About Sex That You'll Find Funny Or Gross, Depending On How Freaky You Are

    Welcome to R-rated Twitter.

    1.

    [during sex] Me: hurt me Him: your metabolism isn’t what it was in high school and it shows Me: wait Him: you never lived up to your potential because you rely on talent instead of work ethic & immediately abandon everything you’re bad at because you’re afraid of failure

    2.

    I like my sex how I like my cookie dough.

    3.

    When she squirt in your face and get embarrassed but you bout that action

    4.

    5.

    Absolutely no one: Tiddies during sex:

    6.

    Her: I got that wet wet 💅🏽💅🏽 Your Dick In The Condom:

    7.

    How I tell men to go down on me https://t.co/wCP9r6MOyB

    8.

    Shower sex? why would I fuck in my crying chamber

    9.

    10.

    When you slobbin on his knob like corn on the cob and you look down at his balls

    11.

    me during sex: hurt me them: you were never that smart you just were good at reading as a child so you were given special attention and it gave you a complex me: wait- them: you don’t try at school because youre convinced ur natural intellect will save you but u don’t have it

    12.

    Me: *rubs her thigh* Her: *gets up and lock the door* Me:

    13.

    14.

    eating ass for the first time:

    15.

    british people be having sex like: mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i’m arriving

    16.

    PORN IS BIASED. Either MILF or 18. What about postgrad w/ bad credit who drives Subaru to 1pm matinees? No one wants to jerk off to that?

    17.

    men after they've gone down on you for approximately 46 seconds

    18.

    Liking salt and vinegar chips is the first warning sign that you're a BDSM freak bitch

    19.

    Is “buttcheeks” one word? Or should I spread them apart...

    20.

    First base: raw sex Second base: saying I love you Third base: posting them on Instagram

    21.

    saying “suck my dick”: • tired • unoriginal • gross? • used by high schoolers saying “suck my clit”: • empowering • original • kinda sexy • maybe they actually will (which would be nice)

    22.

    casual sex implies the existence of ranked competitive sex

    23.

    24.

    when you’re waiting for him to pass you the towel https://t.co/Fs4QyUQ6Gk

    25.

    cultural impact: █    █  █  █  _ Lil Wayne’s verse Public Sex Ed “You better wear A latex, you don’t want that late text, that, “I think I’m late” text

    26.

    27.

    i was having sex once and the girl said “cum for me” and i thought she said “comfort me” so i stopped n i hugged her

    28.

    29.

    I slept with this guy and left him SO speechless, he hasn't been able to call or text since. Still got it!

    30.

    She asked me "What you gonna do to me when we meat?" I sent her this video and now she doesn't pick-up my calls. 🙄🙄🙄🙄

    31.

    32.

    me sexting all my crushes that are across the country https://t.co/t4Kci6ctPd

    33.

    Me after trying pussy for the first time

    34.

    During sex who supposed to give head first ? The male or the guy

    35.

    ashes to ashes dust to dust, if asthma nuh kill me then cocky must https://t.co/3HQn6nVBxW

    36.

    me: I’m fucking starving yo girlfriend: eat me? 😋🥰 me:

    37.

    her: i didnt shave me: girl lay back down i used to eat lollipops off the carpet

    38.

    Men will literally nut 💦 45 seconds into sex and then have the audacity to ask if you came? 🤔🙄 YEAH I CAME.. TO THE WRONG GAWDDAMN HOUSE! 🤦🏽‍♂️🙄😩

    39.

    When y’all been kissing for an hour and she tells you to lock the door https://t.co/QTwgHwMAF5

    40.

    41.

    boys look so @ peace when they suck titties

    42.

    Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I'll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment.

    43.

    me: no hoe shit tonight me after one white claw:

    44.

    Why are men like this? Look at the fucking time.

    45.

    Your sex drive is how far you are willing to drive to have sex.

    46.

    otw home after he tells you to come over for “closure”

    47.

    almost 22 years ago 2 people had sex and now i have to go to work everyday

    48.

    I suck at sexting... I be like “is that so?”

    49.

    [at the drs] Dr: are you sexually active? Me: yeah Dr: with real people Me [avoiding eye contact & twisting my foot in the ground]: yip

    50.

    "When u sit on the dick and it pokes u in the heart" LMFAOOOO

    51.

    [gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] "Go on without me"

    52.

    When your girl sends you nudes without asking

    53.

    54.

    When he make the dick do the jumpy thing

    55.

    56.

    Y’all scared to have rough sex? THROW ME BITCH

    57.

    Day 342 without sex: I accidentally told the In-N-Out worker I wanted doggy-style fries instead of animal-style fries.

    58.

    me after hooking up with a guy for the third time

    59.

    60.

    Half of twitter wants to fuck the other half wants to die.

    61.

    62.

    When she squirt for the first time and you curious

    63.

    64.

    Doggy style means you get a treat afterwards, yeah?

    65.

    66.

    Pick Your Favorite Sex Position: ⚪️doggy style ⚪️missionary ⚪️girl on top ⚪️reverse cowgirl 🔘just happy to be here

    67.

    Pulling hair during sex is old. Take her wig off & put it on your head

    68.

    my clit watching me grab my hitachi magic wand for the 11th time this week

    69.

    Had to get Apple Music after I was having sex listening to pandora, song changed & mid stroke all I heard was: Oh Oh Oh O’Reilly’s Auto parts......

    70.

    HER: I like talking during sex, but I can't stand it when you narrate the whole thing ME: As she complains, I begin removing my pants slowly

    71.

    Boy do I love sex. Really love putting my penis into some *looks at smudged writing on hand* verguba

    72.

    if i ever had sex with you i was just kidding

    73.

    *in the middle of sex "Go deeper" Okay *pulls out* *sits in a chair and sips coffee* *opens poetry book* Two roads diverged in a wood and I-

    74.

    When you got a dick appt and Mother Nature wanna pop up 😩🙄

    75.

    What idiot called it "leaving right after sex" and not "nuts and bolts"?

    76.

    [having sex] this is the best sex I've ever had her: ok let's take your bike helmet off tho

    77.

    i have sex on the first date but i’m saving my finsta for marriage

    78.

    [trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex] Her: faster! faster! Me: oh god no

    79.

    ME: I'll put a sexy movie on DATE: Good idea *presses play* D: Shrek? M: omg embarrassing D: Haha M: [fumbling with DVD] Meant to be Shrek 2

    80.

    When I leave a guy’s apartment and his 9 roommates are in the living room

    81.

    saying you won’t ever try anal when you’re 19 is like saying you won’t ever drink alcohol in your eighth grade letter to your future self

    82.

    “Boy I’m heavy as hell, you sure you want me to sit on your face?” Me:

    83.

    suck HIS titties, spit in HIS mouth, lie to HIS face, destroy HIS perception of healthy communication and boundaries

    84.

    I don’t moan during sex, I be in my girl ear like

    85.

    yall not dating to fuck? what are u trying to do then?????? get m*rried?

    86.

    87.

    I tried this and now I’m at Denny’s with her and the guy she had sex with last night https://t.co/tva02Ajw6G

    88.

    I hate weak dick you better fuck me like I slashed yo tires 😤

    89.

    Netflix: *plays movie* Him: “Lay on yo back” Me:

    90.

    When you nut on her booty and it start dripping down towards her coochie

    91.

    can i get some head ? me : i ont even got it on me rn 😂😂😂😂😂

    92.

    93.

    me waking up my man at 3am for dick

    94.

    When she’s pushing my head up but I’m not done eating dat puthy

    95.

    Niggas think u freaky cause u swallowed they nut. 1st of all, I have no food at home

    96.

    “Did you cum?” Yeah out of my cage and I’ve been doing just fine

    97.

    Car sex is not the problem, where to park the car is.

    98.

    25k men are proud they can't make a woman cum yikes https://t.co/PE5qFTgTHf

    99.

    everybody always asks “where is the clit” but nobody ever asks “how is the clit” 😔😔😔😔

    100.

    When the missionary sound like Mac and cheese and she holdin you close so you hear her breathing in your left ear

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