1.
[during sex] Me: hurt me Him: your metabolism isn’t what it was in high school and it shows Me: wait Him: you never lived up to your potential because you rely on talent instead of work ethic & immediately abandon everything you’re bad at because you’re afraid of failure
2.
I like my sex how I like my cookie dough.
3.
When she squirt in your face and get embarrassed but you bout that action
4.
Him: “did u cum” Me:
5.
Absolutely no one: Tiddies during sex:
6.
Her: I got that wet wet 💅🏽💅🏽 Your Dick In The Condom:
7.
How I tell men to go down on me https://t.co/wCP9r6MOyB
8.
Shower sex? why would I fuck in my crying chamber
9.
Me: *Pulls out condom* Her:
10.
When you slobbin on his knob like corn on the cob and you look down at his balls
11.
me during sex: hurt me them: you were never that smart you just were good at reading as a child so you were given special attention and it gave you a complex me: wait- them: you don’t try at school because youre convinced ur natural intellect will save you but u don’t have it
12.
Me: *rubs her thigh* Her: *gets up and lock the door* Me:
13.
When I choke her and she choke me back
14.
eating ass for the first time:
15.
british people be having sex like: mmmm yes splendid ah indeed scrumptious carry on good heavens i’m arriving
16.
PORN IS BIASED. Either MILF or 18. What about postgrad w/ bad credit who drives Subaru to 1pm matinees? No one wants to jerk off to that?
17.
men after they've gone down on you for approximately 46 seconds
18.
Liking salt and vinegar chips is the first warning sign that you're a BDSM freak bitch
19.
Is “buttcheeks” one word? Or should I spread them apart...
20.
First base: raw sex Second base: saying I love you Third base: posting them on Instagram
21.
saying “suck my dick”: • tired • unoriginal • gross? • used by high schoolers saying “suck my clit”: • empowering • original • kinda sexy • maybe they actually will (which would be nice)
22.
casual sex implies the existence of ranked competitive sex
23.
24.
when you’re waiting for him to pass you the towel https://t.co/Fs4QyUQ6Gk
25.
cultural impact: █ █ █ █ ＿ Lil Wayne’s verse Public Sex Ed “You better wear A latex, you don’t want that late text, that, “I think I’m late” text
26.
When she says "deeper" but I'm all out of dick:
27.
i was having sex once and the girl said “cum for me” and i thought she said “comfort me” so i stopped n i hugged her
28.
Guy: *gets blowjob* Guy: did u cum babe
29.
I slept with this guy and left him SO speechless, he hasn't been able to call or text since. Still got it!
30.
She asked me "What you gonna do to me when we meat?" I sent her this video and now she doesn't pick-up my calls. 🙄🙄🙄🙄
31.
LMMFAOOOO
32.
me sexting all my crushes that are across the country https://t.co/t4Kci6ctPd
33.
Me after trying pussy for the first time
34.
During sex who supposed to give head first ? The male or the guy
35.
ashes to ashes dust to dust, if asthma nuh kill me then cocky must https://t.co/3HQn6nVBxW
36.
me: I’m fucking starving yo girlfriend: eat me? 😋🥰 me:
37.
her: i didnt shave me: girl lay back down i used to eat lollipops off the carpet
38.
Men will literally nut 💦 45 seconds into sex and then have the audacity to ask if you came? 🤔🙄 YEAH I CAME.. TO THE WRONG GAWDDAMN HOUSE! 🤦🏽♂️🙄😩
39.
When y’all been kissing for an hour and she tells you to lock the door https://t.co/QTwgHwMAF5
40.
Y'all can keep your Netflix & Chill, I'm trying to
41.
boys look so @ peace when they suck titties
42.
Guy asked if I put him in the friend zone. I was like, whoa slow down there. I'll have sex with you, but friendship is a serious commitment.
43.
me: no hoe shit tonight me after one white claw:
44.
Why are men like this? Look at the fucking time.
45.
Your sex drive is how far you are willing to drive to have sex.
46.
otw home after he tells you to come over for “closure”
47.
almost 22 years ago 2 people had sex and now i have to go to work everyday
48.
I suck at sexting... I be like “is that so?”
49.
[at the drs] Dr: are you sexually active? Me: yeah Dr: with real people Me [avoiding eye contact & twisting my foot in the ground]: yip
50.
"When u sit on the dick and it pokes u in the heart" LMFAOOOO
51.
[gets exhausted after having sex for five minutes] "Go on without me"
52.
When your girl sends you nudes without asking
53.
Oh fuck
54.
When he make the dick do the jumpy thing
55.
oh my god..., who’s gonna tell him
56.
Y’all scared to have rough sex? THROW ME BITCH
57.
Day 342 without sex: I accidentally told the In-N-Out worker I wanted doggy-style fries instead of animal-style fries.
58.
me after hooking up with a guy for the third time
59.
How she look riding you @ 3am
60.
Half of twitter wants to fuck the other half wants to die.
61.
is this about sucking dick
62.
When she squirt for the first time and you curious
63.
The most consistent thing in my life over the past 8 years x
64.
Doggy style means you get a treat afterwards, yeah?
65.
What I see when she sit on my face
66.
Pick Your Favorite Sex Position: ⚪️doggy style ⚪️missionary ⚪️girl on top ⚪️reverse cowgirl 🔘just happy to be here
67.
Pulling hair during sex is old. Take her wig off & put it on your head
68.
my clit watching me grab my hitachi magic wand for the 11th time this week
69.
Had to get Apple Music after I was having sex listening to pandora, song changed & mid stroke all I heard was: Oh Oh Oh O’Reilly’s Auto parts......
70.
HER: I like talking during sex, but I can't stand it when you narrate the whole thing ME: As she complains, I begin removing my pants slowly
71.
Boy do I love sex. Really love putting my penis into some *looks at smudged writing on hand* verguba
72.
if i ever had sex with you i was just kidding
73.
*in the middle of sex "Go deeper" Okay *pulls out* *sits in a chair and sips coffee* *opens poetry book* Two roads diverged in a wood and I-
74.
When you got a dick appt and Mother Nature wanna pop up 😩🙄
75.
What idiot called it "leaving right after sex" and not "nuts and bolts"?
76.
[having sex] this is the best sex I've ever had her: ok let's take your bike helmet off tho
77.
i have sex on the first date but i’m saving my finsta for marriage
78.
[trying not to think about Sonic The Hedgehog during sex] Her: faster! faster! Me: oh god no
79.
ME: I'll put a sexy movie on DATE: Good idea *presses play* D: Shrek? M: omg embarrassing D: Haha M: [fumbling with DVD] Meant to be Shrek 2
80.
When I leave a guy’s apartment and his 9 roommates are in the living room
81.
saying you won’t ever try anal when you’re 19 is like saying you won’t ever drink alcohol in your eighth grade letter to your future self
82.
“Boy I’m heavy as hell, you sure you want me to sit on your face?” Me:
83.
suck HIS titties, spit in HIS mouth, lie to HIS face, destroy HIS perception of healthy communication and boundaries
84.
I don’t moan during sex, I be in my girl ear like
85.
yall not dating to fuck? what are u trying to do then?????? get m*rried?
86.
nah deadass tho.
87.
I tried this and now I’m at Denny’s with her and the guy she had sex with last night https://t.co/tva02Ajw6G
88.
I hate weak dick you better fuck me like I slashed yo tires 😤
89.
Netflix: *plays movie* Him: “Lay on yo back” Me:
90.
When you nut on her booty and it start dripping down towards her coochie
91.
can i get some head ? me : i ont even got it on me rn 😂😂😂😂😂
92.
Any time I actually have sex
93.
me waking up my man at 3am for dick
94.
When she’s pushing my head up but I’m not done eating dat puthy
95.
Niggas think u freaky cause u swallowed they nut. 1st of all, I have no food at home
96.
“Did you cum?” Yeah out of my cage and I’ve been doing just fine
97.
Car sex is not the problem, where to park the car is.
98.
25k men are proud they can't make a woman cum yikes https://t.co/PE5qFTgTHf
99.
everybody always asks “where is the clit” but nobody ever asks “how is the clit” 😔😔😔😔
100.
When the missionary sound like Mac and cheese and she holdin you close so you hear her breathing in your left ear