I Ate These Pills To Make My Farts Smell Better And My Body's Still Confused
TBH, farting for others is an acquired skill.
I am a person who farts.
In order to fart publicly without blighting others, I tried these pills that claim to produce rose-scented farts.
I happened upon these pills while I was browsing Pinterest and there was only one serious review. In her video, the reviewer said that she couldn't really smell them but that she also hadn't been able to fart as much.
Prior to buying the pills, I checked on their site to see if the ingredients were ~safe~ to consume. While you can navigate the site in English, the page with ingredients is completely in French. Considering the fact that the ingredients referenced Wikipedia and were endorsed by a peculiar necromancer, I consulted a gastroenterologist, Dr. Robynne Chutkan.
It turns out that the main ingredient, activated charcoal, doesn't cause harm and should bind nutrients and gas to your gut. Feeling more assured, I ordered one bottle with 60 capsules and just as the bearded wizard had guaranteed, it arrived in plain packaging that wouldn't inform the postman of my ailment.
• I had three willing participants who would judge my farts.
• I would take six charcoal pills (the suggested amount) after every meal.
• I would fart for each judge multiple times and ask them to smell immediately afterward.
These were the pills:
Curious about the taste, I chewed one of the capsules, which of course, turned out to be a TERRIBLE IDEA.
The first day, I was more constipated, my stomach felt queasier than usual, and I found myself unable to fart for others.
Only when I became inebriated later that day did my body decide that it was OK to shamelessly fart in front of others, which ended up being strangers on a train.
The next few days, I slowly gained the confidence to fart for my judges.
Here's Judge 4, my roommate, sniffing my farts (he enjoyed it so much, I'm recruiting him to be my permanent fart-smeller):
Did it work?
3/4 people said at least once that they couldn't smell anything. I couldn't either (but of course, my judgment is null) so I'm not actually sure if these pills "worked." If my criteria for success was whether or not the pills made my farts smell like violets, then they failed. But because there was no smell, I had no way of determining whether or not the pills were responsible or if it was a placebo effect. Maybe my mind was tricking my body into passing less stinky gas!
If there were a fancy occasion that I didn't want to ruin with malodorous gases, I would take these pills because there isn't any harm in taking them. But the need to take 6 pills after every meal definitely deters me from taking this regularly. Also, you shouldn't ingest activated charcoal for more than 10 days.
Aside from the pills, my biggest takeaway was that I learned to be OK with farting in front of others. I used to be so embarrassed about it and apologized whenever I farted whereas anybody I've dated (cisgendered males) never apologized for excessive farting. It's time that shy farters fart! Fart if you're female! Fart if you're on a date! Fart if you're stressed!
Love your farts and fart when your body tells you to.