4 Telltale Signs Of A Narcissistic Sociopath

Are you in a relationship with someone that just doesn't feel right? Are you constantly second guessing yourself? Feel crazy? Feel like your mind is being toyed with? You aren't alone and you aren't crazy. A sociopath lives for destroying the lives and psyches of their victims. Keep reading to find out if you're in the grips of a sociopath.

1. Smear Campaigning

Whether you're in a relationship with a sociopath currently or have been in one, you have likely experienced the strange and uncomfortable feeling of people, many of whom you have never met before, seemingly having a problem with you. You may be introduced to someone they work with or a friend of theirs and immediately feel as if they know something about you that you weren't sent the memo about. Don't fret, you aren't crazy and you're not being dramatic. This is a very common, yet sneaky, tactic of a sociopath. In the devaluing phase of the sociopath's cycle, they seek to shatter your reputation and image with others. For example, if you are married to or dating a sociopath, they may keep you at a distance from their friends and those they work with. They do this for a very specific intention: to uphold the tattered image they have created of you to those in their circle. You may be the very definition of the perfect partner - loyal, trustworthy, loving and attentive. But the sociopath seeks to play the victim and paint the picture that you're a monster that is destroying their life. They work hard at building their network of followers, coming across as charming and trustworthy in public. They are experts at playing the victim and fooling even the smartest of people into believing they are well-intentioned. This is part of the master manipulation of a sociopath. They are then able to get their following to believe anything they say - and if you are their current victim, they will seek to go on a massive smear campaign against you, in the sneakiest and most conniving way possible. You will be kept at a distance from everyone they have roped into this smear campaign, as interaction with you will destroy what they have built against you. The friends, co-workers and acquaintances have all been told repeatedly about all of the imaginary things you have done to the sociopath and will already have made a judgment about you. That is when the sociopath will very purposefully introduce you to one of their "followers." They want you to feel that destabilizing emotion of second guessing yourself and they want you to feel that you've done something wrong. If you break it off with a sociopath, they will tell everyone and anyone who will listen that you were the problem and create outlandish stories about the things you have "done." They are known to do this with even your own family and friends, hoping to destabilize your life and your circle of support, destroying your relationships with others and your own self-image and worth.

2. Gaslighting

I have to think that most of us have all heard this term at some point. It's a common theme in every article you read about narcissism and that's for a reason - it's one of the most commonly used tactics of a sociopath and a tell-tale sign that you are being psychologically abused. Gaslighting is the act of distorting the facts into something else entirely. This is a tactic that is used to destroy your mental health and engage you in pointless arguing. A sociopath will tell you that the sky is orange and make you feel insane for pointing out that it's blue. In my marriage to a sociopath, this tactic was used on me often. At one point, he raised his fist to my face and threatened to punch me. Seconds later, when I asserted that I was going to call the police, he denied that the events ever even occurred. He told me that I was "hallucinating" and "imagining things," even declaring that if he was going to punch me, I would have been punched and wouldn't be conscious. He was so self-assured in these statements that for a split second, I even second guessed my recollection of what happened. If this sounds familiar to you, you're likely with a sociopath who is well on the path of attempting to destroy your reality and weaken your psyche.

3. Covert Ulterior Motives

This one is sketchy - and it's meant to be. It can be a difficult tactic to detect and is often used in conjunction with smear campaigning. This is the act of doing something under the guise of good intentions, when in reality, the sociopath is attempting to engage, enrage and provoke you. Let me give you an example. My ex-husband is the textbook definition of a sociopath and I haven't been able to go no-contact with him because we share a child together. That is his last tie to me for control and he fully uses it to his every advantage. I recently had to pick up my daughter for a trip planned months in advance, that he knew about months in advance. When attempting to finalize a time for pick up, he refused to even acknowledge my repeated requests for a set time. The only answer I got, a day before my trip, was "sometime around 6pm or so, I'll let you know." Knowing that I have to pick my battles, I let it go. On the day of pick-up, I sat around, waiting and waiting for his text letting me know when my daughter would be ready for pick up. Because it was her birthday the next day, I decided to go get a few more things for her celebration while I waited. He texted me at 4:45 PM saying that he would drop her off in 10 minutes, citing that he "left work early." This is a classic covert ulterior motive. He did something, although minor, that he knew would keep me waiting, wondering and guessing. Sociopaths like that because it makes them feel in control. They need to feel like they are the puppetmaster and you are their puppet, dangling by your strings. But they know enough to make these things look like they did something good and well-intentioned. In his case, it was leaving work early. So now, if I were to ever bring it up, he would be able to turn it around and point the finger at me, saying that he did something considerate and kind by leaving work early so I could have my daughter sooner. It's a very dangerous and tricky game they play - and they will do these minor things over and over again in an attempt to build up to a blow-out. It is meant to pick at you slowly in order to drain you emotionally and mentally.

4. Blame Shifting

Sociopaths are deeply psychologically disturbed individuals that do not have the ability to accept responsibility for their own actions, or even believe that they do anything wrong. If you're in a relationship with a sociopath, you have likely experienced literally EVERYTHING being your fault. The worst blame shift I ever experienced is when I caught my ex in an affair, emotional and physical, with one of his "followers." This is when I also found out about the smear campaigning tactic. When I reached out to the woman he was cheating with, I found out that he had told her that we were divorcing, that I had drug problems and that he was doing the best he could to be a "nice guy" and help me out. Obviously, none of that was true - not a shred. When he was confronted with this, it was somehow my fault. I was told that i should be ashamed of myself for talking to her and that I was an embarrassment. He never accepted responsibility for his actions - not once. And to this day, his affairs are still somehow my fault. This is blame shifting. No matter what the sociopath does, it will be your fault. Even if they do superficially and disingenuously ever admit to anything, it will still be twisted to be something that YOU did that caused them to act the way that they did.

So, if any of these resonated with you,

It's probably time to take a deep breath, realize that you are not crazy and do whatever you can to get out of their grip immediately. Research, find a support group and take care of YOU.