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If These Penis And Vagina Highlighters Don’t Give You A Beauty Boner, Nothing Will

Being a dickface never looked so good.

A couple months ago, I was rocked to the goddamn core when I found out there were lil' lipsticks — excuse me, lipdicks — in the shape of penises that came in 12 flesh-toned (ew) shades.

@grownfolkparty / Via instagram.com

But today I have unearthed something so stunning that it'll make you immediately choke up* at its beauty: these penis-embossed highlighters by Bitch Slap Cosmetics.

*Deal with it.
@bsccosmetics / Via instagram.com

*Deal with it.

The highlighters — called "Deep Throat" — come in a variety of colors, like this shiny bronze and deep pink shade that looks so beautiful you could wear it as a gd medal, TBH.

@bsccosmetics / Via instagram.com

FYI, this one is called "Rust Dark Tone" NOT "Rusty Trombone," which I misread because my mind is garbage.

There's also a soft pink shade because duh, obvs, etc.

Here's where to ~grab~ this one.

And there's a rainbow highlighter with a peen on it because 2016 needs something good for once, goddamn it.

Here's where to purchase ASAP.

And guys, if that wasn't enough to blow yer load, THEY'RE ALSO MAKING VAGINA HIGHLIGHTERS.

😭😭😭
@bsccosmetics / Via instagram.com

😭😭😭

Like, the world doesn't even deserve these. They're too good.

@bsccosmetics / Via instagram.com

ANDDDD they are combining both dicks and vags in a highlighter palette called "Netflix and Chill."

Bitch Slap Cosmetics / Via bitchslap-cosmetics.com

LOOK AT DAT WEEN SHEEN.

@bsccosmetics / Via instagram.com

Here's to making 2016 less of a shithole. :)

@bsccosmetics / Via instagram.com
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