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1. A touchless vacuum you can sweep debris right into. No more song and dance with your dust pan trying to brush up every last speck of dust.
2. A biodegradeable bacon sponge on which you can drain grease from fried foods because you could not only clog your *own* drain if you dispose of it improperly, but your whole neighborhood sewer line as well.
3. A pair of prism spectacles if you have a boatload of work to get done but just don't see yourself sitting upright today...
4. A luggage-mounted cup caddy because if you're anything like me, coffee is HIGH on your list of airport priorities and you could likely use an extra hand to carry it.
5. An Adobe Photoshop shortcut keyboard cover so you don't have to waste any time Googling "blur/sharpen/smudge tool shortcut on MacBook" every time you fire up your software.
6. A canvas cup holder made to cuddle your iced coffee on your walk back from Starbucks. If you drink iced bevvies year-round (sorry, but it's the only way to go), it'll keep your fingers from freezing.
7. An adjustable Boobuddy — a strap you can wear over the top of your sports bra so you don't get punched in the face when running or practicing some other high-impact activity.
8. A Baker's Edge brownie pan if everyone in your household is a fan of crispy corners. Now you won't have to run to the kitchen the second a tray is pulled from the oven just to secure your corner piece.
9. A do-it-all backpack so ingeniously designed, you can fit a week's worth of clothes inside! You're probably thinking "But, Chelsea, it's a backpack...how is better than all the others??" Well, let me tell you. The main compartment unzips all the way so TSA is a breeze, there's a separate laptop sleeve, you've got zippered pouches for toiletries, a set of compression straps, a key fob, AND a trolley passthrough for hands-free carrying if you're also bringing a regular suitcase.
10. A pair of Levi's pull-on skinny jeans if you're someone who doesn't like leaving the house in loungewear but you want to *feel* like you're wearing loungewear nonetheless.
11. A eucalyptus sheet set that could easily pass as silk. You know that feeling of when you shave your legs, lotion up, and then crawl into bed? That's what these sheets feel like 24/7 even if you haven't bought a razor since pre-quarantine times.
12. An adjustable cap with a magnetic closure meant to work *with* instead of *against* your ponytails and buns. This way, you don't have to spend 10 minutes adjusting buckles or straps and trying not to pull out any hair in the process.
13. A pair of leakproof period leggings so you don't have to worry about stains or rogue pads whether you're working out or perfecting your couch potato form.
14. A flat outlet plug that can be placed behind furniture or in other areas where you'd like to eliminate some cord clutter.
15. An adorable cow-print ottoman with two horns and four widdle legs. While it'd make a great nursery piece, I think I'd want it in the living room so if my cat jumped up it'd look like she was entering her first rodeo.
16. A super-compact Bluetooth-enabled treadmill that'll give you a great workout without taking up too much space. Once you're done, just fold down the handrail and slide it under your couch or bed. The threat of dust bunnies collecting may even make you want to use it more.
17. Or an adjustable workstation bike if you prefer to get 💰paid💰 while burning calories. Prop your laptop up on the desk, maybe even turn on some Netflix in the background, and go ahead and start spinning.
18. A Scotch-Brite glass cooktop pad you can use daily with just the addition of water. There are no chemicals involved, but somehow this lil' sponge eliminates burnt-on food and hard-water stains without the risk of any scratches.
19. A Dyson hair dryer that blasts your hair with negative ions to help reduce static and flyaways. Never have I lusted so hard over negative ions...
20. A chic Modern Picnic lunch bag that ~looks~ like a designer purse from the outside but operates like a cooler on the inside with insulated walls that keep your snacky-snacks nice and chilled.
21. An adjustable pancake pillow so you can stop punching your existing pillow into submission. Feeling like a flat, barely there pillow? Pull out one or more of the six inserts. Need a whole lotta support the next night? Stuff 'em back in.
22. A subtle, Bluetooth-compatible safety bracelet that will give you peace of mind no matter where you are or what time it is. Plus, it just looks like a normal ol' cuff.
23. A s'mores griller you can use right at home if you're super into ooey gooey marshmallowy treats but not so much the whole camping part that usually goes along with them...
24. A Froot Loops–inspired candle that will both delight and confuse all who see it. Since the soy candle comes in a real cereal bowl with a real spoon, it's quite the conversation starter.
25. A Bluetooth-enabled eye mask so you can listen to white noise or the sweet, sweet sound of Cillian Murphy telling a "Sleep Story" on the Calm app (highly suggest).
26. And — to go with the above — a Calm app subscription because, I'll say it again, who wouldn't want to drift off to sleep with Cillian Murphy's Cork brogue whispering sweet nothings in your ear? (~OK, yes, it is just a story about crossing Ireland by train, but you get it~.)
27. An uncanny valley–esque piggy bank that will either delight you or come for you in the middle of a sleep paralysis episode. It's really a toss-up — just don't say I didn't warn you.
28. A beer can chicken stand if you're just one kid away from being a total Dad™. You already have the grass-stained white sneakers, might as well add this to the equation.
29. An eco-friendly pill remover constructed from upcycled car windshield glass. Using gentle strokes, run the stone across your sweaters, towels, throw blankets, and even upholstered furniture to remove stubborn pills and fuzzies.
30. A delicious food stool to spice up your otherwise-bland apartment. Tired feet? *Meat* your new best friend.
31. A ginormous scrunchie from Jane Dottie Vintage so you can sweep your hair up and off your face as scorching temps continue into September. 😢
32. A puffer jacket for your artisanal double IPA that was fermented in a painfully trendy Portland craft brewery and is absolutely worth the $14 you paid for a single can...
33. And a zipper pull so you never get stuck in that one dress with the wonky zipper ever again! Last time, you almost had to cut yourself out of it 'cause you were home alone, so go ahead and save yourself the future headache.
You @ yourself when you "accidentally" buy 10 things at once:
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