1. Okay, it's time for my whole long routine. I can do this. My skin deserves it. Ommm.
2. Washing my face at the end of the day feels so good. It’s like I’m being reborn as a clean person.
3. I wonder if I look as good as models in commercials when I splash water on my face.
4. Probably not. I probably just look like I should be drowning.
5. How do I own so many products?!
6. I don't even use half of these. More than half. I use like five of them.
7. This is ridiculous. Could I pay my rent with these?
8. I need to remember that Drugstore Brands Are Life next time I get the urge to impulse-buy $100 of oils off of the internet.
9. Anyway.
10. Time to exfoliate! In theory this is gross and in reality so, so satisfying. Who knew removing your own dead skin could feel so great?
11. Ick, skin noodles.
12. I wonder if anyone else calls them skin noodles.
13. I guess they could also be skin snakes.
14. Skin yarn.
15. Little bundles of dead skin joy.
16. OMG, focus. Okay, toner.
17. Letting the toner set, letting the toner set, doodle doodle dee.
18. How long am I supposed to let this sit again? Why do I literally always forget?
19. I should just write this down somewhere so I don’t have to search it every single time.
20. Or maybe tattoo it backward on my face so I really never forget.
21. No one else would be able to read it. I would be so mysterious. Also, it would be ridiculous.
22. Omg, 15 minutes between each step???
23. Oh, right, I remember this feeling of righteous indignation.
24. I’ll give it five minutes. Five should be more than enough. My skin is thirsty. Just gonna slurp all that product up.
25. That’s probably enough time for the toner. Serum time!
26. Should I put hyaluronic acid serum on underneath my lotion if the lotion has hyaluronic acid in it, or will that burn my face off?
27. Maybe I’ll just absorb all the moisture in my bathroom and become a water goddess.
28. That won’t happen. But it would be pretty cool if it did.
29. Or maybe I’d absorb all the moisture in my bathroom and cause a local drought.
30. That won’t happen either, but it would still be pretty cool.
31. I guess I’ll just do it. It’ll probably be fine.
32. Would I rather be a hero with great skin or a villain with great skin??
33. I think I’d rather be a villain with great skin. More interesting.
34. Imagine a superhero with terrible skin. Now that would be a hero worth rooting for. I’ve been there, hero! I would think.
35. Thank god for my routine, tbh.
36. This PM lotion feels so goooood. Make my face beautiful, lotion!
37. I mean, it does. That’s why I use it. Bless.
38. It might take forever, but I am so, so glad I do it.
39. Look how much I GLOW.
40. Can’t wait to take 23,849,023,895,345 selfies tomorrow.
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