What You Didn’t Expect While You Were Expecting

All the things you didn’t expect about being a new mom

Your child will play with anything but her toys

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You’d think all those nice, expensive toys you got during your baby shower would be put to good use. You’d think. Whether its toilet paper rolls, Tupperware, or the diapers and wipes, your child is going to find everyday things to play with- and its not going to be their actual toys.

You will discover things on your devices you didn’t know was possible

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The one second your child gets ahold of the remote- the closed captioning is going on. In Chinese. And it will take you at least ten minutes to figure out how to turn it off. Consulting your child may be your best bet.

You will learn how to do everything one-handed

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It will amaze you what you can do one handed. Cooking, cleaning, showering, shopping- you name it, you can find a way to do it.

Your google searches will be totally different

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Instead of googling cocktail recipes, your google searches will be geared towards “is it normal for my child to have __-colored poop?” Well, maybe you will be looking up that cocktail recipe.

Feeding time will be a reset button

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Feeding may be your greatest weapon in conquering the upset child. Use it wisely.

Your child is not going to be shy about when or where they poop

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It doesn’t matter if you are in a fancy restaurant- commence blowout. Oh, and that brand new top you just got? They don’t care about that either. You will quickly learn to pack extra clothes for baby and you.

People will constantly come up to you in public

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If you weren’t a social person, you will be after you have a child. Everyone will want to see, talk, even touch your kid in public. Oh, and don’t forget, “these are your best years.”

You child will want to eat anything you eat

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New mom mantra: my food is your food. You may have specially prepared a meal with all five food groups for your child, but the minute they see you eating something, they will want to enjoy it too. Even if it’s the same food on their high chair.

Wave sleep bye-bye

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And you thought the all-nighters in college were bad. Ha. Ha. Being a new mom is like all-nighters on steroids. Every. Night. But-- they will be the best reason you lose sleep.

Music and dance will be your best friend

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Much like feeding time, music and dancing will help cheer up an upset child. Their taste in music might even surprise you.

Nothing will mean more to you than your child’s smile and laughter.

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Hearing your child’s giggles makes all the sleep loss worth it. All the feels.