Paid PostPosted on Apr 1, 201621 Rob Delaney Tweets That Will Make You Laugh Every Time"Donuts are gay bagels." Don't miss Rob Delaney's hilarious second season of Catastrophe, now streaming on Amazon Prime.by Catastrophe TVBrand PublisherLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. rob delaney @robdelaney Millennials who make fun of my wife and I for sharing jeans can go straight to hell. 05:28 PM - 17 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. rob delaney @robdelaney "You were in there for *quite* a while." - chick flirting with me hard as I exit Starbucks bathroom 12:27 PM - 02 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. rob delaney @robdelaney Bye dad… 09:26 PM - 23 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. rob delaney @robdelaney I deserve to feel sexy at the #farmers #market. 12:56 PM - 09 Feb 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. rob delaney @robdelaney If I were a woman, when I encountered sexism I’d be like “BRB, I’m gonna go *MAKE A HUMAN* IN MY BODY LIKE A MAGICAL GOD, YOU SAD OAF.” 10:26 PM - 09 Aug 2012 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. rob delaney @robdelaney Wifi at my uncle's funeral is a fucking joke. 03:05 PM - 09 Aug 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. rob delaney @robdelaney Cheap date idea: cut open a pack of hotdogs & squeeze the juice over your lover's body then summon a peregrine falcon with your mind. 12:44 AM - 03 Aug 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. rob delaney @robdelaney I cannot psychologically afford for my wife not to be elected president of our condo association. 07:53 PM - 24 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. rob delaney @robdelaney I can pee into a Panera bread bowl an average of 4x before it falls apart. 01:43 PM - 09 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. rob delaney @robdelaney Just roofied mysel 02:17 AM - 14 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. rob delaney @robdelaney These goggles allow my son Thanson to eat gluten in small amounts , 09:05 PM - 14 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. rob delaney @robdelaney I had to sign a form at my son's school yesterday acknowledging that I understood he'd hit himself in the head with a pan. 01:18 PM - 13 Feb 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. rob delaney @robdelaney Lamestream feminist media making fun of differently sized penises and dicks is why men need guns .i own a small business 06:57 PM - 23 Feb 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. rob delaney @robdelaney 🚨PLEASE RT🚨 My beautiful sweet dog Terry is missing. Also my wife is sleeping with my sons' karaté teacher. 08:37 PM - 13 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. rob delaney @robdelaney Plaese watch my Ted talk about how vaccines made my son T'Keaven into a Druid 07:40 PM - 02 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. rob delaney @robdelaney First Easter without Zayn :( 02:56 PM - 05 Apr 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. rob delaney @robdelaney Using my son's raincoat as a hat so my hair doesn't get messed up. He's doing the cutest little shivers! 12:50 PM - 16 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. rob delaney @robdelaney If you specify you went to "Whole Foods" instead of "the grocery store," get the fuck away from me & my family. 05:58 PM - 10 Jan 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. rob delaney @robdelaney In June of last year, a beautiful woman on the subway saw me yawn & then she yawned. So I think we can cool it with the "virgin" talk. 08:40 PM - 18 Sep 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. rob delaney @robdelaney If you pitch a non-superhero, non-remake, non-sequel film in Hollywood they send your family to a work camp. 04:30 AM - 11 Jun 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. rob delaney @robdelaney Donuts are gay bagels. 05:49 PM - 26 Aug 2011 Reply Retweet Favorite rob delaney @robdelaney Here's the #ModestyPouch I wore in opening of #Catastrophe last night. Watch all eps here: http://t.co/CxJzQnqZ48 10:24 AM - 10 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite