1.) Is that Mary Berry? In a lovely floral jacket? She looks so precious.
5.) All of the little British flags hanging up around the tent are making me really happy for some reason.
6.) So none of the contestants are professional bakers? Yet they're really talented?
7.) Richard's little flowers are so cute, my heart just exploded.
8.) Enwezor just BAKED his patterns? Wild.
9.) MARTHA IS 17 AND IS BAKING ON THIS SHOW? Meanwhile there's me, who is currently eating a family sized bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs.
10.) Something tells me that Iain's scoring technique isn't going to go too well for him.
15.) Claire just banged her sponge cake with a rolling pin and then apologized. Same, Claire, same.
16.) NORMAN AND HIS DOG MAKE MY HEART VERY HAPPY.
17.) HE MADE A LITTLE PLATE FOR HIS SWISS ROLL. MY HEART CANNOT TAKE THIS.
18.) The bakers are drinking tea. I repeat, the bakers are drinking tea. This show is so British. I can't.
19.) Poor Nancy and her dry (hazel)nuts.
20.) Oh, no. They're rolling their Swiss Rolls. ONE IS CRACKING. This is just as bad as the anxiety I get from watching Chopped.
21.) Thank GOD Martha's Swiss Roll isn't cracked.
22.) Norman seems proud of his Swiss Roll. Look at him, nodding down at it with pride.
23.) Claire, no offense, but your orange tree looks terrible.
24.) Why are all of the Swiss Rolls so flippin' gorgeous? I could never make a delicate white chocolate flower to top my red velvet Swiss Roll. I couldn't even make a Swiss Roll. I just learned what a Swiss Roll is, like, twenty minutes ago.
25.) Jordan's strawberry roll looks cute but his greasy hair certainly doesn't.
30.) Mary's frosted pink lipgloss is KILLING ME.
31.) Claire, I don't want a chunky cherry. Please, please cut your cherries into quarters. I beg of you.
32.) Stir that batter, Nancy, stir that batter.
33.) @Jordan, why didn't you look at the recipe. Jordan, you have nothing to decorate your cherry cake with. OMG. I've never been this stressed over toasted almonds and cherries before.
34.) Clair needs help looking for her cherries. Something tells me that's not a good thing.
35.) Martha is so pure, so innocent. Look at her, searching for perfect almonds. I hope she wins.
40.) Jordan just got called out for his lack of cherries. I TOLD YOU, JORDAN.
41.) If Martha doesn't win Star Baker I'll scream.
42.) Nancy got commended on her nuts! Congrats, Nancy.
43.) Jordan, sweetie, you could really use some braces.
44.) The judges are drinking tea. I repeat, the judges are drinking tea while judging. I really can't. This show is just. so. British.
45.) Norman has a LUCKY SPOON. I love this man, I really, really do. So precious. So pure.
51.) Look at Norman's nifty little invention! Stormin' Norman! I'm so proud of him.
52.) Oh, dear. Jordan's cakes look yucky.
53.) CLAIRE'S CHOCOLATE CAKES LOOK TERRIBLE. How is she so chill about this? She seems oddly chill about this.
54.) Yay! Kate's cakes aren't dry!
55.) Diana is "ganching" her "balls". I snorted.
56.) America needs to start using the word "scrumptious" more.
57.) AAANNNNDDDDD the Star Baker is NANCY
58.) AAAANNNNDDDD Claire is going home. Poor Claire and her dry chocolate cakes. Look at them all, giving her a big hug. So pure. So cute.