99 Problems Actually Only 5

Jay Z said it best in his song “99 Problems.” As his song states, he doesn’t have woman issues because as we all know, he is married to Beyoncé. I can only imagine what problems they might have. Maybe their limo was late for their date night to a restaurant that they bought out for the night. Maybe Jay Z doesn’t like people who chew with their mouth wide open or who breathe too loudly. You never know. The problems that I want to focus on are the ones in our relationships. The type of problems that don’t come to mind when we think of everyday problems like a hangnail or homework due at midnight.

Full-of-Themselves Friends

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Sometimes we can’t help it when we actually get dressed up (meaning not in yoga pants or t-shirts) and stop to realize that we actually look good in clothes that don’t have holes or stains on them. But when my friends say “don’t look over there he might think we are talking about him then he’ll think I’m weird” or “you can’t talk to them because then it’ll come back to look bad on me,” I don’t even want to hear it. More importantly, it’s when they use you for personal gain. They will make us feel important in their lives, or charm us, until they get what they want for their own personal gain and move on (Thorpe 2015). I get so nervous that if I do something wrong then I’ll get in trouble by my friend because it hurts their image. At this point, run, and for those people who don’t like to run, fast walk away.

Family Favoritism

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I just want to say I love going to family holidays. But when I say hi to my grandma and the first thing she says to me “do you have a boyfriend yet?” gets pretty annoying. Then she responds with “so and so did this this week.” Usually that “so and so” is the youngest grandchild. Cool. Great. Love you too, Grandma. I don’t think our grandparents intentionally mean to hurt us when talking about stuff like this, but I also don’t believe they understand the effects it has on us other grandchildren (Harch 2012). This is problematic for me because sometimes I feel as though if I call to talk to my grandma it’s going to be about the other grandchildren – which can be nice since we all don’t have the time to since and chat like we used to. Sometimes I don’t call my grandma because I think it might be a waste of time, which is horrible. Don’t even get me started when my brother snapchats me pictures of the pies my grandma bakes for him while I’m away at school

Break-Ups -- Friends Edition

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No one likes to break up. Its stressful, draining, etc. It’s even worse when you’re the friend of both sides. Get ready to make a pro and con’s list to each for each friend, because unless they are mature and let you choose how you live your life, you are breaking up with a friend too! You could make one of your friend’s feel “betrayed” by staying friends with the other, so you need to decide what you want to do (Levine 2011). A fun example of this is when my friends dated in high school and eventually broke up. This didn't become a problem until my other friend started dating one of my friends. But wait, those two then broke up and th friend went back to the original friend. I call this a love square. I'm still friends with all of them, and two are still friends with either other, but the ex's are no longer friends - if you can follow. Moral of the story, don’t let this problem drag you down if you don’t want it to! It will hurt for a while, but you have to do what is best for you and your future. Sounds savage, get used to it.

That ONE Co-Worker

In every workplace, there is workplace drama. I mean have you seen the show “The Office.” One co-worker wants your job or wants the same promotion you want. In reality, we should calmly speak to one-another as adults to resolve our issues, but who does that? At one of my jobs, my boss hired a new girl who was going to be there working year-round. A few of my co-workers and I were leaving for the up-coming school year, the new girl took it upon herself to try to get rid of me faster than I planned on leaving. Why? I have no idea. I never met her before but she hated me before I could even introduce myself. This obviously was a problem because my wonderful new co-worker didn’t want to acknowledge me, allow me to help her with her questions for the customers sake, nor allow me to take my lunch breaks on our busy days. So, I let her hate me as long as it didn’t affect our work with the customers (which it didn’t). This is very problematic when it affects the company and the boss has to decide. It also might create a stressful environment for the co-workers around the situation, which sets the whole balance off. This is the point where the worker either deals with the worker or just accepts the hate (Boogaard 2017).

Stranger Danger

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You know that cliché scenario where someone shares their life story to a complete stranger on an airplane? That’s a real thing. It may not always happen on an airplane but sometimes people like to vent to complete strangers. For example, I was waiting to get my license renewed since I was finally turning 21, when an older women sits next to me and asks why I’m here. I tell her why and she responds with “oh man, when I was 21, I was a stripper and making good money. Those were the days, honey. Now I walk with a cane and need a handicap sticker.” Can you imagine my shocked face as I was sitting there? Not how I expected that conversation to go. Ladies, you know the gossip that goes down in a hair salon. Strangers open up to strangers because they feel a false sense of intimacy (Morin 2017). This is problematic because if they feel a sense of intimacy with a stranger on an “airplane” what if they talk about this specific person to that person’s relative or old friend? This can also make the person they are disclosing this information to uncomfortable. I call this an overall STRANGER DANGER.

As one of the newest greats to the rap business says, “you don’t want no problem, want no problem with me.” Chance the Rapper might not have been rapping about these relational problems when he was writing his song, but he could have. He might have gotten too much information from a stranger and didn’t want any problems with that person. Anything is possible. Celebrities are everyday people too. But that’s not the point I am trying to get across. Relational problems are real in every relationship in our life. The problems are narcissistic friends, family favoritism, choosing between friends when they break up, having to deal with that co-worker that strongly dislikes you, and oversharing strangers. As they say, the struggle is real.

References

Boogaard, K. (2017). What to Do When Your Co-worker Dislikes You for No Reason. Retrieved from: https://www.themuse.com/advice/what-to-do-when-your-coworker-dislikes-you-for-no-reason

Harch, J. (2012). Have You Been Playing Favorites? Retrieved from: http://www.grandparents.com/family-and-relationships/family-matters/playingfavoritescouldyoubeguilty

Levine, I. S. (2011). Choosing Sides After a Friendship Breakup. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-friendship-doctor/201108/choosing-sides-after-friendship-breakup

Morin, A. (2016). 5 Reasons Some People Insist on Telling You Every Detail of Their Personal Lives. Retrieved from: https://www.inc.com/amy-morin/5-reasons-people-share-way-too-many-details-of-their-personal-lives-.html

Thorpe, J.R. (2015). The ONE Sign Your Friend’s A Narcissist. Retrieved from: https://www.bustle.com/articles/127388-the-one-sign-your-friends-a-narcissist