Skip To Content

    27 Hilarious Lucille Bluth Quotes That Will Go Down In TV History

    Truly one of the best TV characters of all time.

    In honor of the news that the late, great Jessica Walter passed away in her sleep at the age of 80, here are just some of her many, many iconic Lucille Bluth lines from Arrested Development:

    1. When she took a stand for herself:

    Michael says, "Get rid of the Seaward" and Lucille replies "I'll leave when I'm good and ready"

    2. When she didn't have time for silly questions:

    Lucille says "I don't understand the question and I won't respond to it"

    3. When she impressed an entire bar:

    The bar cheers for Lucille after she says she can't have another drink because she has to get back to rehab

    4. When she was mother of the year:

    Lucille says she loves all her children equally but then the screen says "earlier that day" as she says "I don't care for GOB"

    5. When she threw Buster a party out of love:

    Lucille says she's throwing a party for Buster out of spite because he joined the army out of spite

    6. When she had an extremely urgent problem:

    Michael asks Lucille what her matter of life and death is and she says "Buster's jaw clicks when he eats"

    7. When she ate a balanced breakfast:

    Michael Bluth says, "Mom, it's breakfast" after Lucille tells him to get her a vodka on the rocks to which she replies, "And a piece of toast"

    8. When she set clear and finite boundaries:

    Lucille says "I don't know who that is, and I don't care to find out"

    9. When she trusted her son's intelligence:

    Lucille taunts Buster about not being able to find his juice

    10. When she said a fact that was also a tremendous burn:

    Lucille says "At least he's in prison, not an urn"

    11. When she showed her love for GOB:

    Lucille says "She'd love to get at me anyway she could, that's why she's been flirting with GOB, she's trying to prove that she's closer to my children than I am, but the joke's on her because she doesn't know how little I care for GOB"

    12. And then showed it again:

    Lucille says there's a family party but then tells GOB there isn't one

    13. When she was fair about when she's mean:

    Lucille is mean to Michael and then he says "Hey, you're mean sober too"

    14. When she was feeling a little emotional:

    Lucille says "Oh, Michael, honey, I want to cry so bad but I don't think I can spare the moisture"

    15. When she gave Lindsay some motherly advice:

    Lucille tells Lindsey to get a job

    16. When she was a helicopter parent:

    Buster says "Yes I was flying, but a little too close to the sun" and Lucille says to Michael "You let him go in the sun?"

    17. When she handled horrible news with class and poise:

    Lucille is sad when she hears someone has died because it ruins her day

    18. When she told her family her death wishes:

    Lucille says "Well I'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona"

    19. When she proved that she can be caring:

    Lucille tells Buster she put his bed in storage so he can decide which Lucille he wants to spend his nights with

    20. When she dragged her only daughter:

    Lindsey says "I have the afternoon free" and Lucille says "Really? Did nothing cancel?"

    21. When she had a healthy discussion with her daughter:

    Lucille says to Lindsey "I don't criticize you, and if you're worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense"

    22. When she had a perfectly *reasonable* reason for still taking her medication:

    Lucille reveals she's been taking her postpartum medication for 32 years since that's how long Buster has depressed her

    23. When she was up-to-date on pop culture:

    Lucille says "Here's some money, go see a Star War"

    24. When she was the supportive woman we all know her to be:

    Lucille says "good for her"

    25. When she said what everyone was thinking:

    Lucille says everyone hates hospitals because they don't have bars

    26. When she practiced self-love:

    Lucille says "If that's a veiled criticism about me, I won't hear it and I won't respond to it"

    27. And finally, when she said this:

    Lucille says "I mean it's one banana, Michael, what could it cost? Ten dollars?"