The classics are great...but so are jokes about the classics. If you like what you see, click through and follow your favorites to make your Twitter timeline a happier, funnier place!
1.
editor: this better not be like last time kafka: it's a coming of age story editor: ok kafka: about a boy who's changed, but his family won’t accept him editor: i'm listening kafka: because he's changed into a bug editor: there we go kafka: like a real big fuckin bug
2.
DEVIL: You shall stay forever young, but this picture of you will bear the marks of your sin! DORIAN: Can I hide it? DEVIL: Well, yes, but— DORIAN: And there are no other consequences? DEVIL: This… This picture will become so foul! DORIAN: Again, probably I’ll hide the picture.
3.
|￣￣￣￣￣| (\___/) ( ಠДಠ) / づ |＿＿＿＿＿| (\__/) || (•ㅅ•) || / づ The Portrait of Dorian Gray (1890)
4.
my 2 month old: i cant sleep daddy i’m afraid of frankenstein me: haha dont you mean frankenstein’s monster my 3 month old: i do not. personally i find unethical and irresponsible scientific practice far more terrifying than any physical being and so should you
5.
wife: I wish you'd stop bringing your work home with you Dr Frankenstein: he has a name wife: DOES HE
6.
no one: jay gatsby: https://t.co/EGPTO5kW8l
7.
When 2020 rolls around catch me calling all my best friends “old sport”. My inner Jay Gatsby is about to pop off. Might fuck around and throw parties for an unrequited love. Might die in a pool. Who knows. It’s the 20s, bby.
8.
the green light from great gatsby was from a juul
9.
169 years since Tolstoy bought the unnecessary horse
10.
Stay past the credits of Little Women to see Jane Eyre step out of the shadows and tell Jo, “I’m putting a team together.”
11.
The most depressing part of LITTLE WOMEN (1869) is not when Beth dies but when Jo's short story wins a prize of $100, reminding any fellow writers reading the book that freelance rates have remained roughly stable SINCE THE RECONSTRUCTION ERA
12.
no holden caufield but people do be kinda phony
13.
PUBLISHER: So it’s got vampires? BRAM STOKER: Yes. PUBLISHER: Sex? BRAM STOKER: Yes. PUBLISHER: A lunatic asylum? BRAM STOKER: Yes. PUBLISHER: It needs something more. BRAM STOKER: [scratches head] A… a cowboy? PUBLISHER: Fucking sold.
14.
boys always assume that sending nudes is what grabs a gal's attention, when what really grabs their attention is the patronage of the esteemed lady Catherine deBourgh.
15.
Lady Catherine de Bourgh: Miss Bennet, are you engaged to Mr. Darcy?! Elizabeth:
16.
can’t really figure out a way to phrase this but mr darcy really is like.... a reverse manic pixie dream girl huh. like, a manic pixie dream girl for women. a depressed elf nightmare man.
17.
ME: I will now give my Moby Dick presentation as a rap TEACHER: I specifically told you not to d– ME: His palms are sweaty, Queequeg's harpoon heavy, there's something on his sweater already, spermaceti
18.
Today I picked up Great Expectations and was suddenly struck with the knowledge that Miss Havisham is probably not very old at all, actually, so I looked it up, and at the beginning of the book, she is, according to Dickens' notes, "scarcely forty."
19.
There are two wolves inside you. One is Virginia Woolf. The other is Beowulf. You are an Introduction to English Literature syllabus.
20.
ME, SOBBING: Please, Emily, you can't give all your 100 characters the same 4 names EMILY BRONTE: *points* That's Earnshaw Linton. *points* That's Cathy Heathcliff. *points* Heathcliff Linton. *points* Cathy Cathy. *points* Earnshaw Cathy Jr. *pause* And they're all GHOSTS.
21.
you: let’s get this bread j.d. salinger, an intellectual: let’s catch this rye
22.
┏┓ ┃┃╱╲ in ┃╱╱╲╲ this ╱╱╭╮╲╲ house ▔▏┗┛▕▔ we ╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲ still aren’t over the fact that Odysseus’s dog waited for him for 20 years, saw him one last time, wagged his tail, and then died ╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲ ▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕▔
23.
her: my fantasy is eating whipped cream off each other, what’s yours JRR Tolkien: *big breath in*
24.
Personally, I feel Romeo and Juliet could’ve handled the situation better