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How To Be Friends With An Ex

Well, this is going to be awkward, but that's okay. Want to be friends with someone who broke your heart, or vice versa? Here's how:

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A Little Intro

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Number one, I'm sorry that your relationship ended, or not sorry (if you wanted to end the relationship), to each their own, I guess. Ending a relationship, or being dumped, sucks, and guess what? You're going to go through that again, multiple times, throughout your life and it's going to hurt just as bad every-time. But hopefully you know this, if not SURPRISE? It's going to be hard, but if you do it right, you can gain a friend from the relationship.

How to Start the Friendship

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Starting the friendship between you and an ex is by far the hardest part of this process. It's going to weird, awkward, and all types of uncomfortable, but remembering why you first started dating them can be helpful in the process (unless your reasoning to dating them was simply because of your physical attraction, because then things could get messy). You had to enjoy the person's company, at least a little, if you dated them. Remind yourself about the parts of their personality that you liked about them, and make sure to highlight them. However, you have to remind yourself that they are flawed human beings, just like everyone else. You should also remember that a friendship is an agreement between two people, not just one. Communication is extremely important, and being honest about your feelings is going to help start the companionship. But, depending how the relationship ended, they might just flat out reject your offer, and you have to learn to move on. But if they want to continue the friendship, or start one outside of the relationship, congratulations!!! You made a friend!

Keeping Communication and Honesty in the Friendship

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Okay, so you've gotten through the hard part, well sort of... Being honest with an ex about a date you're going on that night could be weird and definitely awkward, it's what stops the majority of after breakup friendships, but it doesn't have to be uncomfortable. Talking nonchalantly could help, both you and your ex, push through the awkwardness. This is all dependent, however, on how open your friendship is with your ex. This is why it's so important to talk to ex about... wait for it....BOUNDARIES!!! Not every friend is going to want to hear about your date and how amazing it was, so apply that to every ex-turned-friend. And that's okay, you should respect your ex's (or any of your friend's) lack of enthusiasm over your date, and you should apply this to your whomever you date after your ex. Talk to both parties, and ask if they're okay with seeing each other at any possible social events that both of them would attend. And in this age of social media, they're going to see each other eventually, either IRL or in some post from a party. So talking about it early is key to a open and healthy relationship between you, your current partner, and your ex. And since we're on the topic....

Don't let your current partner control your friendships (exes or otherwise)

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This goes for any friendships, if your current partner is uncomfortable with a friend of yours, ask questions. This goes for any relationships outside of your romantic or sexual one. The only person that should be in charge of your relationships is you, and if you feel like you aren't in control, try to determine who is, and steal that ish back, because that's your life, not there's. Communicate to your partner how important the friendship is to you, and help them understand your stand point and the value of the friendship. Balancing a relationship and a friendship with two people who are not too fond of each other is difficult, but talking with both of them could be a step in the right direction.

Let it flourish or don't

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But if you are still unconvinced that you could build a friendship from your past romance, then maybe you should let it go. It's important to remember that all of this is only advice, it is your friendship after all. Situations differ from case to case, so apply what you believe would be most beneficial from this article, and don't apply what wouldn't help your friendship. But you could also not apply any of this, and just let that relationship go, and move on with life. But for those who believe that friendships can exist out of past relationships, then I wish you the best of luck in pursuing your friendship with your ex.

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