1. Applauding someone even though you didn't listen to a word of what that person just said.
2. Saying ouch when you're not hurt.
3. Telling the taxi driver "here is fine" when they could have easily parked directly outside your front door.
4. Spending more time in the shower winning fake arguments than actually washing.
5. Walking home at night and glancing into people's living rooms to see what they're watching on TV.
6. Saying "sorry" when someone walks into you.
7. Imagining yourself as a famous person who is being interviewed about how amazing your life is.
8. Pretending not to see someone you totally just recognised.
9. Applying the sniff test to underwear you already know is a day old.
10. Asking someone "How are you?" then waiting for a response before asking, "So…you all right?"
11. Paying for something with a bank note even though you can see the exact change right there in your hand.
12. Reading your email again immediately after you hit send.
13. Hitting Ctrl + C way too many times just in case it didn't copy.
14. Opening the fridge and hoping something new has magically appeared since you last checked 10 minutes ago.
15. Lying to someone by pretending to hear what they just said because you feel too awkward asking them to repeat themselves.
16. Comparing the year you were born to today's date because you kinda forgot how old you are.
17. Not looking away when someone else pops a spot (IRL or video).
18. Offering to pop someone else's spot.
19. Trying to pop your own spot that definitely isn't ready to be popped.
20. Entertaining the idea that you might be living in your very own Truman Show.
21. Faking a yawn when you feel awkward in a social situation.
22. Leaving your headphones on even though you haven't listened to any music for hours.
23. Writing something witty on social media, then convincing yourself not to send it.
24. Avoiding that last crisp in the bowl at a dinner party because you think you're being polite.
25. Talking to animals as if they were babies.
26. Talking to animals as if they were your best mate and understand all of your problems.
27. Talking to animals in general.
28. Talking out loud while you're cooking, as if you were on a cookery show.
29. Walking into a room and completely forgetting why you're there.
30. Getting excited on a road trip when you realise you have a "car buddy" who has been travelling alongside you for the past 15 or so miles.
31. Then getting sad when that car has to turn off.
32. Trying to dash inside a closing door without touching it, like you're a low-rent Tom Cruise.
33. Thinking about your escape route in any given situation.
34. Closing the fridge door really slowly so you can catch what it looks like inside when the light is switched off.
35. Making that weird "whoop" noise when you nearly bump into someone.
36. Swimming in the sea where there are definitely no sharks and convincing yourself there are sharks that are going to eat you.
37. Squashing the buttons on your TV remote when the batteries are obviously dead.
38. Generally just hitting or squashing things to make them work.
39. Feeling like you have to share your delicious food even though that's the last thing you want to do.
40. Pretending to check your phone when another human being enters the lift.
41. That oddly satisfying moan we make when we stretch.
42. Saying "L, M, N, O, P" as fast as possible in your head when you recite the alphabet to yourself.
43. Devouring an unhealthy quantity of food just because it's free.
44. Spending ages trying to find a film to watch, then giving up and watching a film on TV that's already halfway through.
45. Building a collection of toilet paper rolls right next to the toilet just because you can't be bothered to put them in the recycling bin.
46. Removing a plate from the dishwasher, realising it wasn't cleaned properly and putting it in the cupboard anyway.
47. Visiting someone's house for the first time and sampling a random item from their bathroom cabinet.
48. Testing something you know is hot by touching the damn thing.
49. Climbing the stairs on all fours.
50. Exaggerating your life's achievements to someone you will probably never see again.
51. Simulating an entire conversation with someone in your head.
52. Rehearsing an argument in your head that nobody will ever hear, regardless of where you are.
53. Worrying about dropping your phone every time you walk over a bridge.
54. Cleaning your ears out with cotton buds even though you know you shouldn't.
55. Scrolling through your own social media photos when a new friend adds you so you get an idea of what they might think of you.
56. Trying to move objects with the power of your mind.
57. Feeling paranoid every time a police car drives past you.
58. Offering to help a plumber fix something in your house even though you have no idea how plumbing works.
59. Blowing your nose and taking a satisfied look at what just came out.