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1. You are literally a mess. You leave cleaning for later... whenever "later" is.
2. Your exercise regimen is severely lacking.
3. And if you don’t work out or have sex everyday… you probably don’t shower as much as you should either.
4. Your career is a huge part of your life... ...whether it is the reason for your existence...
...the bane of your existence...
...or you don't even have one.
5. You don't adhere to traditional "office etiquette."
6. You really wouldn't mind being fired from your current job.
7. Probably because you make work harder than it has to be.
8. You might drink more than is necessarily "healthy."
9. ... And you're proud of it.
10. You haven't read a book for fun in years.
11. You're probably just happiest when you're home...
... as long as you have a drink.
12. Yet you still go out because...
13.
14.
15. But maybe it's just because you're prone to delusions of grandeur.
16.
17. That doesn't change the fact that you hate yourself.
18. So the pep talks your friends give you sound a bit strange.
19. Your budget is more of an abstract idea...
20. You don't function well socially with out some sort of "social lubrication."
21. You've blacked (or browned) out drinking in the past couple months.
22. You sometimes think you actually understand Miley Cyrus.
23. Your sexual orientation seems uncharacteristically fluid.
24. And sex is just unusually important to you, whether you have it or not.
25. You're a heartbreaker...
26. ... or you've recently been dumped.
27. You think you're deep.
28. But you're really just having the same existential crisis as everyone else.
29. You can't remember the last time you ate a real meal because you eat constantly...
... or you're too busy to eat...
...or you don't have money for food.
30. You've recently realized you may qualify as a stoner.
31. You're still figuring out the basics.
32. You reward yourself for doing absolutely nothing.
33. You and your friends sit around and discuss whether or not you are a hot mess.
But, you know what? You've got it under control.
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