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Design Your Very Own Terrible Boyfriend And I'll Explain How You Break Up

Build A Bad Boyfriend And I'll Tell You How You Break Up

What did you notice first about your bad boyfriend?

What's his first move?

It's your first date. Where does he take you?

What's his favorite outfit?

What does he do?

And finally, what's his name?

As you're cycling through the picturesque streets of Bremen, you notice that he isn't peddling at all. You stop the bike and say, "I just feel like I'm pulling all the weight in this relationship." He replies, "Ja, das stimmt." You don't speak German (could this be the deeper root of your relationship woes?), but his flippant tone is enough to fill you with rage and shove him off the bike. "I ride solo now," you yell as he rolls away.

Circus poster showing bicycle riders on tightrope.

You pushed him off the back of your tandem bicycle.

Because he was a literal ghost. Come on, you didn't see that one coming?

grayscale photo of man wearing black shirt

He ghosted you.

You've always had a thing for soft bois, but Thaddeus took it ~too far~. On your one-and-a-half week anniversary he released 252 live doves in your apartment (one for every hour he's known you). "That's very nice, Thad," you say, "but who's going to clean all this up?" He mumbles something inarticulate and disappears behind his copy of Bukowski's "Women." Now Thad lives in your apartment with 252 doves and you've made a new life in the Maldives.

You faked your own death.

Chad had his charms, but good personal hygiene was not among them. One day you go over to his place to find it tiled with old takeout containers. This is not unusual, but normally you can find him sitting on the couch between towers of pizza boxes. Today, though, you find a little pile of ash instead. So it goes, eh?

He spontaneously combusted.

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Design Your Very Own Terrible Boyfriend And I'll Explain How You Break Up

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