We asked a bunch of non-wineos to guess what some ~fancy~ wine terms mean. Here's what they reckon!
Kirk: A Brut is a manly wine that smells strongly of cologne.
Will: The colloquial term for a tasting buddy; e.g., "Pass me that spit bucket, brut!"
Ashely: This is a very handsome yet sad type of champagne.
Andrew: Something with bubbles, I think.
Actual definition: (of champagne) "very dry; specifically: being the driest made by the producer"
Ashely: This is when your wine is sitting on the beach, enjoying itself, tannin'.
Alex: Tannin is the process that turns white wine into red.
Tyler: What happens to your skin when you've been at an outdoor winery for eight hours.
Hannah: I know this! Tannins are from the bitter skin of the grape and add to the dryness you get when drinking wine (you get a similar sense of dry bitterness from over-brewed tea).
Actual definition: "a reddish acid that comes from plants, is used in making ink and leather, and occurs in various foods and drinks (such as wine)"
Kirk: A posh name for a wine bar.
Will: The empowering sensation felt when one throws wine into the face/eyes of an unfaithful partner.
Jo: "If it ain't Barrique, don't drink it." —a common wine idiom
Actual definition: "a wine barrel, especially a small one made of new oak in which Bordeaux and other wines are aged"
Laura: A special cover that goes over the top of wine barrels.
Casey: A wine glass that doesn't have a stem. Instead it has a curvy bottom. Cuvée means "curvy" in French.
Tyler: The fee one must pay to enter a winery. Like a cover charge but fancy.
Andrew: Another thing with bubbles, I think.
Actual definition: "1: bulk wine; especially: wine in casks or vats so blended as to ensure uniformity and marketability, 2: a blend of still wines used in the production of champagne"
Casey: Trick question! This is not a real word. It's what non-wineos say when they're trying to sound like they know what they're talking about.
Laura: Measures the wine ingredients in fractions; e.g., one-third grapes, two-thirds wine.
Hannah: I'm guessing this has to do with assessing wine based on the amount of light that passes through it? Pro tip: If wine isn't transparent, don't drink it.
Ashley: Whoa whoa whoa. I thought I was answering questions about wine, not science!!!
Actual definition: "an instrument for measuring refractive indices (as for identification or the determination of sugar content)"
Tyler: How to pronounce the word "please" when you've been drinking red wine and don't want people to see your wine-stained teeth, so you just drop the "p." True wineos will know what you mean.
Casey: The general term for people who drink wine. Inspired by the Lees Brothers, who we all know invented wine.
Ashely: Is this a typo?
Actual definition: "the sediment of wine in the barrel; dregs"
Laura: The fancy rotting of wine. There is a reason people like old wine; it's royal.
Hannah: A grape mould. This is actually good for wine grapes I believe. It's also how I smell when I haven't showered but put on fancy perfume.
Clark: When the waiter gives you the cork and smells a little wonky, you're supposed to respond saying, "This is a noble rot".
Jo: Old-timey English for "hangover". Example: "I see the Noble Rot has visited you this fine morning!"
Actual definition: "a botrytis fungus (Botrytis cinerea) that infects various usually overripe wine grapes causing shrivelling which results in increased sugar and flavour content, and is responsible for the characteristic flavour of sauternes and related wines"
Alex: Baumé level is used to describe how good a wine tastes; e.g., "That pinot was the Baumé."
Kirk: A scale depicting the colour of wine, ranging from dark red to barely yellow.
Aubree: The perfect pour.
Actual definition: "a scale with arbitrary markings, used with a hydrometer to measure the relative density of liquids"
Hannah: A punch made from the melange of wines spit into the bucket at a wine tasting.
Casey: The level by which you measure how "punchy" a wine is (i.e., how much it makes you say, "Oh, wow!") Can be a positive or negative term.
Tyler: It's like a luncheon, a lunchtime celebration with a bunch of your closest pals. Except the main course is punch. And by punch I mean wine.
Jo: A Greek punch bowl.
Actual definition: "a large cask for liquids or other commodities, holding from 72 to 120 gallons"
Aubree: A Harry Potter spell to make wine.
Hannah: A word used to describe passive-aggressive wines that start out mellow but then finish with hints of bitterness and salt.
Casey: How you pronounce avocado with a mouth full of wine.
Ashley: This is the magic word you need to say in order to open a tricky bottle.
Actual definition: Italian; "medium sweet wines"
Aubree: Grape science.
Casey: The hipster subculture of wine experts. People involved in viticulture are always seeking out the newest wines no one's ever heard of.
Ashley: This is probably the term for people who think you can get tons of vitamins from wine.
Actual definition: "the cultivation or culture of grapes especially for wine making"
Hannah: All wine. All wine is a must.
Laura: Dusty smell in the wine cellar; it's a must-have!
Will: Short for "mustache" – a red/purple upper lip stained by an extended tasting session.
Andrew: Wine you just HAVE to have.
Aubree: Fresh grape juice – it's weird that I know this.
Actual definition: "the expressed juice of fruit and especially grapes before and during fermentation"
All images via Getty.