1.
Daughter: You're invading my personal space Mom: You came out of my personal space
2.
Asked to switch seats on the plane because I was sitting next to a crying baby. Apparently, that's not allowed if the baby is yours.
3.
That awkward moment when your child looks to you for wisdom and you're like, "Honey, I don't even know what day of the week it is."
4.
Never, & I mean NEVER make eye contact with a child on the verge of falling asleep.They will sense your excitement & abort mission! #momlife
5.
In case you were wondering, the loudest sound in the world is my kid screaming, "Are you pooping?!?" in a public restroom.
6.
Parenthood is: Telling your kids they can't eat brownies for breakfast, then eating brownies for breakfast after they leave for school.
7.
There are Olympians who began intense training regimens at age 5, but sure, son, keep licking the bathtub.
8.
What I say to my son: "Get dressed." His interpretation: "Stand around naked watching television with one sock on."
9.
Parenting a newborn: 30% feeding 50% changing diapers 20% worrying 80% becoming so sleep deprived that you forget how to do basic math
10.
Entire cities have been built in the same amount of time it takes our 3yr old to put on her shoes. 🤦♀️😂 #MomProblems
11.
I burnt my toddler’s supper once last week, now every time I prepare food she keeps reminding me not to leave it for too long... 3 year old Judge Judy.
12.
My son just asked me how old I was going to be for my birthday I said "29" He literally got teary and goes "that means you're going to heaven soon" ..........this birthday is cancelled. #momproblems #oldaf
13.
8 yo: "Mommy, what did you want to be when you grew up?" Me: "Not this tired."
14.
Is it acceptable to get a babysitter just so I can nap and maybe binge watch some tv? #momlife #momproblems #sotired
15.
Ever notice in the story of the 3 bears, Papa Bear's porridge is piping hot, baby's is perfect, & poor Mama Bear's is cold? I get it now.
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