Parents live in a world of chaos, and our minds aren't always filled with love and appreciation for the treacherous spawn we've created. Luckily, FX's new original series Breeders feels your pain!
We asked parents to share some of the worst thoughts they've ever had about their own kids. Here's what they said:
1. This Is No Joke
"My daughter is at the age where she's starting to tell jokes. She's so bad at it. She thinks you just say knock-knock, and then anything after that is acceptable and qualifies as a joke. Like, I'm disgusted by her joke-telling abilities right now. Disgusted."
2. Fire Baby
"First, let me just say that I would NEVER ACTUALLY DO THIS. But one time I was driving by a fire station, and my kid was in the backseat just screaming bloody murder. And for a second I thought, 'What if I just dropped this kid off at the fire station? You can do that, right?' Then I started imagining the firehouse finding my kid outside, bringing him in, teaching him tricks, taking him on the fire engine, and raising him like a firehouse dalmatian."
3. My Little Moneypits
"I have twins. Sometimes after they've (finally) fallen asleep, I'll sit there and calculate in my head how much money I've spent on them. I'll add up the cost of all the diapers I've ever purchased, all the doctor's appointments. All of it. I'm keeping a running tab now, and I'm going to present them with a bill at their high school graduation."
4. Ball Boy
"My son just recently started playing Little League, and he's so, so terrible at it. Most of the game, I'm just thinking about how much better I am at baseball than he is. He's just SO bad at it."
5. The Opposite of Home Schooling
"I frequently look up boarding schools in my area. Fortunately (for my kids, anyway), they're all WAY too expensive for me."
6. The 5-Minute Plan
"I often find myself thinking, 'I need to be out of this room for 5 minutes or I'm going to do something terrible and possibly illegal.'"
7. LOL FAIL
"This isn't exactly a thought, I guess, but I can't help laughing at my toddler every time he falls down. His little baby body doesn't know how to do things yet, and it's just so hilarious to me."
8. Pretty Little Liar
"Sometimes my son will want a snack, like a cookie or something. So I'll eat the last cookie and then tell him they're all gone and that he ate the last one yesterday. I don't know why I do that, but it feels good."
9. Voice Deactivated
"My daughter just learned how to use the voice-controlled home speaker, and now she plays the same kids' song on a loop. ALL. THE. TIME. So I'm thinking about smashing that speaker right now."
Images courtesy of FX.