28 Things All Late Girls Do When They Are Getting Ready For A Night Out
Your friends just need to respect that your getting ready routine is sacred and cannot be disturbed.
9:04am – Wake up but refuse to get out of bed since you'll need all of your energy for the dance floor tonight. You spend the next two hours and nine minutes texting your friends about your plans for the night ahead, but nothing is actually established.
11:13am – You are eventually guilted into getting out of bed by your housemates/S.O./parents/pet.
12:53pm – Panic ensues! What if the online shopping you ordered (complete with the additional £5.95 speedy delivery postage) doesn't arrive?! You flick through your wardrobe while you internally scream that you have "NOTHING TO WEAR."
1:18pm – You text the newly established "Ladies Night" group to ask what everyone is wearing to try to ease the current wardrobe-focussed existential crisis that you are suffering from.
1:23pm – Everyone replies that they are wearing "jeans with a nice top." You all decide that this will be a heels kind of night out. Your feet already hurt.
2:14pm – Your stuff arrives! You get stuck trying to take off a particularly *bodycon* dress. Have to shout for help until someone comes to release you. Honestly, you thought you might die that way.
2:25pm – Almost everything you've ordered is...unsuitable...but the final dress you try on might actually be okay. You spend the next 15 minutes trying it on with shoes and taking selfies of yourself in the mirror to send to your mum for advice.
2:27pm – Mum replies with a series of emojis which, no matter how hard you try, cannot be translated into any kind of commentary on your outfit. You ask her whether she knows the real meaning behind the aubergine emoji.
2:28pm – You text the "Ladies Night" group to inform them that you've decided on your outfit and send a picture of you wearing it. You receive a barrage of texts about how nice you look. You sit on the edge of your bed in your dress smiling to yourself. Girls are so supportive.
4:20pm – You've tuckered yourself out with all of this prep so lie down for what you promise yourself will only be a quick five minutes shut-eye.
5:25pm – You awake suddenly to the sound of your phone pinging with a flood of texts. The pre-drinks destination has been set and the excitement is palpable.
5:30pm – Instead of starting to get ready, you half-heartedly watch an episode of that show you keep hearing about while you text your friends.
6:03pm – The show ends. You've watched approximately 2% of it but sent 165 texts and 4 voice-notes.
6:04pm – You consider not showering in order to save time but then run your hands over your legs and realise that it may be time to break your "Summer of No Shaving" initiative.
6:10pm – Your housemate/S.O./parent bangs on the door of the bathroom to ask you to stop singing so loudly. You think back to all the other times you've sang even louder in the shower and shrink a bit inside.
6:25pm – By the time you leave the shower, the whole bathroom is so misted up that you have to feel your way towards the door.
6:30pm – Ah, you've come to the best part of the night – where you sit on the edge of your bed in your towel and remind yourself of all of the cripplingly embarrassing things you've ever done in your life.
6:32pm – The only way to drag yourself out of this kind of funk? A playlist which is simultaneously uplifting, energetic, and full of old-school classics that you can screech along to.
6:48pm – The first song on your new "Uplifting Getting Ready Songs" playlist bangs. You spend the next three minutes dancing around your room and eventually in front of your mirror where you try to assess whether you've actually got any rhythm or not.
7:01pm – You are officially late for pre-drinks, and you're not even close to being ready.
7:03pm – While moisturising, you realise you've missed a *huge* patch of hair on the back of your leg. You head back to the bathroom for the second time.
7:46pm – You've already been subject to a few "where are you?" texts, but your friends just need to respect that your getting ready routine is sacred – and yes, you could forego the face mask, but then your skin wouldn't glow the way you want it to.
7:59pm – You remove your mask and try to reenact an elaborate "face massaging" technique you watched a tutorial for the other day. It feels weird but you persevere.
8:01pm – Your skin is now – you think? – fully prepped for makeup. You try to create a smokey eye, but it just looks like you've got a black eye. You wipe your face clean and start again.
8:15pm – You are finally ready to get dressed. You spontaneously decide that you might try that bodycon dress on again.
8:18pm – You are stuck in the dress for the second time. Your housemate/S.O./parent has to help you out of it, and they make you pinky swear that for the sake of your safety you will return it. You change back into the slightly less constricting dress and head for the door.
8:30pm – You now have 26 missed calls and two voicemails which just consist of incomprehensible screeching from your friends.
9:02pm – After a stressful journey, you make it out. You're only a mere two hours and two minutes late which is pretty good going for you!
Additional images from Getty / iStock