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The Life Of A Phish Fan In A World That Thinks Phish Is Stupid

If you love drugs, poor hygiene and meandering, aimless noodling, you'll love this article.

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You enjoy Phish's music.

Jeff Kravitz / FilmMagic / Getty

But they are uncool, and so are you.

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Apparently, you are into "noodling."

Maurice Alexandre http://F.P. / Flickr / Getty

You listen to music that is "meandering" and "aimless."

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You, personally, are a hippie. You smell like patchouli, hippie.

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You don't have a job.

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You're a terrible dancer.

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You have a drug problem.

Raw and honest imagery / Flickr / Getty

You don't even care what Phish's music sounds like, because you're too super stoned to notice.

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You don't care what Phish's music sounds like (reminder: it's terrible) as long as you're super stoned, dancing ineptly, with your unemployment check raised above your head in triumph.

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Basically being a Phish fan means people assuming you're an idiot. So what's the upside?

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Are the hot, tasty grooves adequate compensation for the emotional suffering and condescension heaped upon you by a Phish-phobic society?

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What about the hair-raising shred riffage? Does the hair-raising shred riffage heal your wounds?

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The light show created on the fly in sync with the music?

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The goofy IN THE FLOW, MAN faces?

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The heartening realization that musicians themselves are often indifferent to the hierarchies and boundaries of taste that critics and fans try to enforce?

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The years of musical history and group lore that make every show into its own episode of a three-decade story?

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A concert environment in which people act like human beings and help each other have a good time instead of competing for every inch of space as if standing a foot closer to the stage than the bros next to you makes you king of the monkey pack?

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The thing when — after minutes of winding chromatic anticipation — the lights go up, the crowd combusts, the music crashes like an asteroid and the world is replaced by a ocean of sound and white fire? You know, THAT thing?

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Of COURSE it's worth it, pal.

Jeff Kravitz / FilmMagic / Getty

DUH.

Jeff Kravitz / FilmMagic / Getty

Thirty years and counting. Let's keep the vibes going.

Steve Eichner / Getty
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