Please Allow This Crazy Dutch Giant To Tell You How To Win A Bar Fight

    BANG, I just slit your throat.

    Bas Rutten is a retired Dutch MMA fighter and known badass. He was the heavyweight champion of UFC. The fourth sentence in his Wikipedia bio is "As a fighter, one of his favorite tactics was the liver shot." He was once in a movie called The Smashing Machine in which, naturally, he played himself. Bas Rutten will punch your liver in the face.

    Rutten is now the host of a few MMA TV shows, one on Fuel TV and the other on AXS.tv. He has an MMA gym in California. He's an accomplished man in his field, is what we're saying.

    But nothing Bas Rutten ever does for the rest of his life will be as amazing and incredible as the self-defense bar-fight video he made at what looks like some point in the 1990s. Which you can see below, expertly edited by an anonymous genius from a defunct-looking site called The Guy Network.

    View this video on YouTube

    When a video featuring a giant Dutch beast-man starts with the phrase "everybody underestimates the kick in the groin," you know you're watching a good video.

    Below, a few of our favorite self-defense takeaways.

    Bas Rutten's "Big DVD Of Combat" is available here for $149.99. "DVD of Combat." This DVD is too big to fit in your player. This DVD will punch you in the face.

    BIG DVD OF COMBAT. DANGADANGADANGADANGADANGADANG. Bas Rutten.