1. Whenever you go to a seafood place for dinner, he insists on choosing his lobster from the tank with his bare hands, so he can "look his dinner in the eye." So embarrassing.
2. You surprise her with a Bahamas cruise, and she just can't resist the urge to keelhaul the captain and commandeer the ship. Not even once. Not even for your anniversary.
3. You'd like to have a date night, but the only restaurant he'll agree to is Davy Jones' Locker. And you're pretty sure that that isn't a restaurant.
4. You hate when he invites the boys over for poker night, because you're always left with at least one body to deal with. Oh, and of course it's your problem. Not his.
5. When you took Ibuprofen for your lady cramps, he told you about the time he had a bullet removed from his chest without any painkillers. You know - all passive aggressively.
6. You get a paper cut and he insists on cutting off your entire arm. Because of the gangrene, he says.
7. If you take him to a dinner party, you hope to god that someone doesn't suggest playing Never Have I Ever. Because your dude has seen some shit.
8. When you told her that her birthday present was going to be a "surprise," she tightened ropes around your head until your eyes popped out. She doesn't like surprises.
9. When you ran out of brie and crackers on your picnic, he insisted on a romantic game of "rat hunt."
10. She catches you whistling a tune, and since she believes that whistling causes disastrous storms, she cut your tongue out of your mouth.
11. When you borrowed some of her DVD's without her permission, instead of opening up a dialogue and expressing her feelings, she texted all your friends and formed a mutiny against you.
Forget mundane. Date a pirate.
Join the Nation of Thieves.