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Do You Know What It’s Like To Be A Shark?

Pick a smaller, less majestic fish to eat

Select the Glamour Shark that most resonates with you

Which of these stupid meatbags makes your eyeballs pulse with blood most?

Choose a freshwater body to unexpectedly terrorize 

Pick a shark to give a little smooch to

Select a final word on sharks

When it comes to being a shark, you’re the world’s biggest dumbass. You basically failed the shark SAT’s, and if this were water-school, you’d be the laughing stock of the class. Thankfully, you’re on dry land... where you belong. Don’t even bother getting in a body of water again, and yes, that includes lakes, because We. Are. EVERYWHERE. We know when your foot touches the ocean floor. We know when you frolick along the shoreline of Indiana Beach. We know when your fingers dance along the tide pools.

man in gray crew neck shirt with brown hair

You have no idea what it feels like to be a shark

Years of study. Hours of labor. Finally, the ringing, piercing clarity of your destiny, entering your mind like glittering shards of ocean glass: to embody with sleek grace and quiet dominance the essence of the shark. You’ve seen through, and you’ve seen beyond, and now you know your fearsome destiny. To cut through water like a blade to a throat. To rip at softness, to scream into your own quiet, to thrash through storming seas. Yes, indeed, you are the shark, and the shark is you.

You know precisely what it’s like to be a shark

Tsk, tsk. Nobody likes a fencewalker. With all that being a shark has to offer (smallest eyes per capita, winsome facial symmetry) what is there to be undecided about? You're laboring under the psychological misapprehension that life is something that happens to your passive form, and that the safety of sitting idly will protect you from the pain that seems omnipresent in everyone else's life. Well guess what? You might be safe, but you're not really living. Your cognitive understanding of sharks and fancy booklearning aren't enough anymore. Pull yourself together, clean your room, and take the plunge...into the ocean where you can meet some sharks.

aerial photo of man jumping on cliff to the water

You have a vague notion of what it’s like to be a shark

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Do You Know What It’s Like To Be A Shark?

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