11 Things We Learned About History From Fantasy Movies

Fantasy movies have much to teach us of simpler times. Let’s take a journey through the magical days when wizards ruled all and fantasy was not just confined to the world of football. Then take your newfound learnings and create a fantasy world of your own.

1. Nobody bathed. Like, ever.

Monty Python and the Holy Grail / Cinema 5 Distributing / Via mrbananapants.tumblr.com

Forget “rich” and “poor” — the medieval caste system was a lot more clear-cut: “Can afford soap” and “can not afford soap.”

2. Everything — everything — was solved with dueling.

Eat the last comically oversized turkey leg? That’s a duel. Spill your tankard of mead on the neighbor’s family crest? That’s a duel. Accidentally offend a unicorn? Oh you know that’s a duel.

3. Chainmail bikinis were all the armor any woman needed.

Red Sonja / MGM / Via wifflegif.com

Perfect for grueling bouts with blind swordsmen and a casual day at the beach!

4. If you had a beard, you were a barbarian, a wizard, or a dwarf.

The Hobbit / New Line Cinema / Via indyfinitely.tumblr.com

Medieval Brooklyn would’ve been a very different place.

5. Everything of historic import happened because of Magic Swords.

The Sword and the Stone / Disney / Via fairytaleacademy.tumblr.com

Two Party System < I Found a Magic Sword in a Pond and Now I’m King I Guess System.

6. Or because of a Magic Prophecy.

You guessed it: Every little thing you’ve done or ever will do was penned by an ancient panel of sooth-sayers. Sure, roll your eyes — that’s part of the Prophecy. Walk away, yeah, that’s also part of the Prophecy. STOP FULFILLING THE MAGIC PROPHECY.

7. “Adventurer” was a viable career option.

The Lord of the Rings / New Line Cinema / Via lovemoneyduckfunny.tumblr.com

From top to bottom, a list of Medieval Fantasy Career Options:

-Adventurer
-Wizard
-Good King
-Bad King
-Bad King’s Henchperson
-Some kind of thief, maybe?
-Barbarian
-Elf
-Bad Elf
-Morally Ambiguous Elf
-Blacksmith
-Dentist

8. There were no chores. Only quests.

The Hobbit / New Line Cinema / Via yunuen.tumblr.com

Even the simplest of tasks was an epic undertaking that took weeks of preparation. Running to the next town over to grab some fresh cabbages? Your quaint country village will literally give you a farewell parade for this Herculean task.

9. There were no good towers.

The Lord of the Rings / New Line Cinema / Via glad-to-be-with-you.tumblr.com

Only towers filled with great, ancient evil. But real talk: Have you ever heard of anyone except for Dark Lords or kidnapped royalty being relegated to tower life? Speaking of…

10. Every prince or princess hated being a prince or princess.

Tangled / Disney / Via gifbuffet.tumblr.com

Relentlessly bored? Snarky devil-may-care attitudes? Constantly day-dreaming about going on Rad Adventures with Cool Dudes where Mom and Dad can’t butt in? Oops, wait, false alarm — they’re just teenagers.

11. You either died really young or you lived to be infinity years old.

Harry Potter / Warner Bros. Pictures / Via siren-lungs.tumblr.com

When you think about it, in a world where it’s super easy to meet your untimely demise — whether it be by plague, jousting mishap, or pissing off one of the land’s many, many mystical creatures -— the fantasy world’s got a surprisingly bustling elderly community.

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