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1. A memory foam bath mat that reimagines the Titanic iceberg as a giant water sloth.
Get it from sharpshirter on Etsy for $29.99+. Available in two sizes.
2. A soap dispenser you can't get anything past.
Get it from Buffalovely on Etsy for $18.
3. This tabby cat tissue holder.
Get it on Amazon for $36.99.
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4. A pack of eight multi-culti dismembered hand soaps.
Get it from Imaginary Animal on Etsy for $16.
5. A bath mat that I'm sure looks unremarkably familiar to a lot of ladies out there.
IS THAT A MENSTRUATION JOKE OR A MURDER JOKE? HAHAHAHAHA IDK THOSE WHO KNOW THE TRUTH ARE DEAD.
Get it on Amazon for $19.42.
6. A Grim Reaper who's pretty upset that his toilet paper has not yet brought you swift death.
Get it on Amazon for $54.27.
7. The answer to whoever was like, "A cup is nice but I'm looking for something more dismembered-y to hold our toothbrushes."
Get it on Amazon for $6.45.
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8. This trippy Kraken nightmare print.
Get it on Amazon for $10.
9. Self-affirmation shower art.
Get it from Ugly Baby on Etsy for $18. Available in other sayings, including "you will be okay" and "poop like no one is watching."
10. This anthropomorphic moose-taking-a-shit toothbrush holder.
Get it from Trendy Linens on Etsy for $17.99.
11. A log cover that makes you fight a tiny orange squirrel for tissue.
Get it on Amazon for $37.07.
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12. A gun toilet brush that goes with everything.
"Perfect for any bathroom." —Product Description
Get it on Amazon for $34.48.
13. ...like shotgun shell shower curtain hooks.
Promising Review: "Good quality. They look good with our Texas flag shower curtain." —Caitlin Grosvenor
Get a set of 12 on Amazon for $15.
14. Oh and these murdery rodent nightlights.
15. A soap dispenser from vacation bible school.
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16. A shower curtain honoring great Americat pawsidents that dedicated their lives to our fur-eedom.
Get it from sharpshirter on Etsy for $49.99+. Available in two heights.
17. A plush octopus that holds your tissues in its mouth beak.
Get it on Amazon for $14.99.
18. A shower curtain covered in boooobs.
Get it from Bermuda Living on Etsy for $59.
19. A drain stop with very selective tastes.
Get it on Amazon for $9.99. Also available in "carpe diem," "V.I.P.," and "home sweet home."
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20. Something called "family cloth," which is a series of washable, reusable fabric sheets buttoned together into a toilet paper roll, so do with that what you will.
Get it from Remiusables on Etsy for $24+. Available in a number of patterns, if the canvas for your human waste art is a thing that's important to you.
21. Shower squids that clutch your soaps and shave gels in their grippy tentacles.
Get it from Uncommon Goods for $36.
23. An elegant swan-retching-water faucet.
STOP LOOKING AT ME SWAN.
Get it on Amazon for $73.99.
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24. A Guy Fieri-themed toilet seat cover.
Get it on Amazon for $9.95. Machine washable, for anyone wondering (everyone).
25. Grapefruit-scented soaps shaped like human tongues.
Every house has those nice things they put out just for guests.
Get a set of three from Gloom Matter on Etsy for $19.
26. A shower curtain with "carpe diem" translated into millennial.
Get it from Black Dove Beauty on Etsy for $30.
27. And bath bombs for people who like to kick back after a long week with a glass of wine and a severed foot that explodes in their bath water.
Get it from The MAD Bombers on Etsy for $9.
